If you’re going to a funeral you’ll no doubt be taking your phone with you. But before you get there you may be wondering if it’s okay to take a picture?
Of the flowers, the family, the slideshow, even a quick photo with some family you haven’t seen in years?
It’s a fair question and like so many of these situations the answer is – it depends. Some families love having photos of the day. Others would be hurt to see a phone come out at all.
What almost everyone agrees on is that the family is the one who decides, not the guests. If you’re not sure what they want the best thing to do is to keep your phone away.
But we’ll go through when photos are usually fine, when they’re not, why selfies are a different matter and simple ways to ask the family. There’s also a section for families who want to set their own rules.
If you’re unsure about the rest of the day our guide on what to say at a funeral is a good place to start.
The Short Answer
At most funerals, guests shouldn’t take photos unless the family has asked for them or clearly said it’s okay.
Selfies are definitely a no during the service, at the casket or at the graveside. They come across as being about you on a day that’s about someone else.
The exception is the more relaxed parts of the day. At a reception, a wake at the family home or a celebration of life, a group photo of family and old friends is often welcome. But even then it’s best to ask first.
Why Photos at Funerals Can Feel Wrong
It’s not that cameras are bad. It’s that a funeral is one of the most private days of a family’s life and they don’t get to choose who is in the room.
A few reasons people feel strongly about it:
- Grieving people don’t want to be photographed crying often at their very worst moment.
- A phone held up during a service is distracting even if it’s silent.
- Photos can end up online before the family is ready for the rest of the world to know.
- Some faiths and cultures see photographing a body or a service as disrespectful.
- The person who died can’t give their own say or consent so it feels kinder to protect their privacy.
I think the last one is the one people forget. The person in the casket would probably not have wanted to be photographed that way.
When Photos Are Usually Okay
There are lots of times when taking pictures is perfectly fine and even appreciated. Look for one of these signs.
The Family Has Asked for Them
There are lots of families who want a record of the day. They might ask a relative to take pictures or mention it in the program.
If they’ve asked, go ahead, but stay discreet. Take photos from the back or the side and never during a prayer.
There’s a Hired Photographer
More families now hire a photographer for funerals especially for large services or military honors. If you see one that’s a good sign the family wants the day captured. Leave the photos to them and keep your own phone away.
Group Photos After the Service
Funerals bring together people who may not have been in the same room for years. Many families like a photo of all the grandchildren, the siblings together or everyone from the old neighborhood.
This is usually done at the reception or outside afterward, never in the middle of the service. Let someone in the family suggest it or ask quietly if it would be welcome.
Celebrations of Life
A celebration of life is often more casual than a traditional funeral and photos tend to be more accepted. Some even have a photo booth or ask guests to share pictures. Our guide to celebration of life vs funeral explains how the two usually differ.
Still follow the family’s lead. Casual doesn’t automatically mean cameras are welcome.
For Someone Who Couldn’t Be There
Sometimes a family member who couldn’t travel would love to see the flowers or the display of photos. That’s a kind thought. Just check with the immediate family first and send it privately, not on social media.
When Not to Take Photos
Even at a funeral where photos are allowed some moments are best left alone.
- The person in the casket. Don’t photograph the body unless the closest family has asked you to. This is the one people feel most strongly about.
- During the service itself. Prayers, readings, the eulogy and the music are not the time to lift up your phone.
- People who are crying or upset. Even a well meant photo can feel like an intrusion.
- At the graveside, especially as the casket is lowered.
- At military honors such as taps or the folding of the flag, unless the family has said it’s okay.
- Inside a place of worship where photography isn’t allowed. Some churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have their own rules, whatever the family wants.
- When the family has asked for no photos. Then it isn’t up for debate.
What About Photos of the Body?
Photographing someone after death isn’t new. In the Victorian era post mortem photos were fairly common, sometimes the only picture a family ever had of a loved one.
In some families and cultures a photo of the person at rest is still a normal part of saying goodbye.
So it isn’t wrong in itself. It’s about who takes it and why.
If the closest family wants a photo, that’s their choice, and it may mean a great deal to them. Parents who have lost a baby, for example, often treasure these pictures.
As a guest though it’s not your place. Don’t take a photo of the person in the casket even if you’re sure the family wouldn’t mind. If the family wants one they’ll take it or ask someone to.
Selfies at Funerals
Selfies are really the heart of this question and the answer is pretty clear. Don’t take them during any part of the funeral.
Even a smiling selfie meant as a tribute (“one last photo with Grandpa”) goes down badly with others in the room. It puts you at the center of the picture and the focus of the day should be the person who died and the people grieving them.
There are different sorts of cases though. A photo of you and your cousins together at the reception, taken because you finally all got in the same place, is more of a family photo than a selfie.
Many families are glad to have those later. Just keep it low key, away from the main room and away from the casket.
If you’d ever feel awkward explaining the photo to the widow or widower, that’s your answer.
Posting Funeral Photos on Social Media
Taking a photo and posting it are two separate things. Even if the family is happy for you to take pictures that doesn’t mean they want them online.
- Don’t post anything until the family has shared the news publicly themselves.
- Don’t tag family members in photos from the funeral without asking.
- Never post a photo of the body.
- If in doubt send photos to the family privately instead. They can share what they want.
Our guide on whether you should post about a death on social media goes into much more detail.
How to Ask the Family if Photos Are Okay
If you’d really like a photo, ask. Ask someone close to the family rather than the spouse or parents in the receiving line who already have enough to deal with. A sibling, a cousin or the funeral director are all good people to check with.
Keep it short and give them an easy way to say no.
These are some ways to ask if you’re not sure what to say:
- Would the family mind if I took a photo of the flowers? Totally fine if not.
- Is the family okay with photos today, or would they rather people didn’t?
- Aunt Carol couldn’t make it and would love to see the display. Would it be okay to send her a picture?
- Would it be alright to get a quick photo of all the cousins together after the service?
- Do you know if the family wants pictures taken today? I don’t want to do anything they wouldn’t like.
- I’d love a photo of the memory board for myself. Is that okay?
- Is anyone taking photos for the family, or should we all keep our phones away?
If the answer is no, or even a hesitant maybe, put the phone away and don’t ask again.
If You’re the Family: Setting Your Own Rules
If you’re planning the funeral you get to decide how you feel about photos.
Some families want every moment kept. Others want none at all. Many end up somewhere in between, like photos at the reception but not during the service.
Whatever you choose it helps to say so clearly. Guests usually want to do the right thing. They just don’t know what it is.
You can put a short line in the program, mention it in the announcement or ask the funeral director or officiant to say a few words at the start.
Wording for No Photos
- The family kindly asks that no photos be taken during the service.
- Please silence your phones and refrain from taking photos today. Thank you for helping us keep this time private.
- We ask that guests not take or share photos of today’s service. Thank you for understanding.
- Out of respect for the family, please do not photograph the service or the viewing.
- This is a phone free service. Thank you for being fully present with us as we say goodbye.
- Please keep today’s photos off social media. We’ll share pictures with family and friends privately.
Wording for When Photos Are Welcome
- You’re welcome to take photos at the reception. Please send any you take to ______ so we can keep them together.
- Dad loved a family picture. We’ll be taking a group photo outside after the service, and we’d love you to join us.
- Please feel free to take photos during the celebration and share them with us at ______.
- Photos are welcome after the service, but we ask that none be taken during it.
- A photographer will be capturing today for the family, so please feel free to put your phones away and simply be with us.
There are more ideas for wording in our funeral program wording examples. And if you’re worried about people posting the news before you’re ready have a look at how to ask people not to post about a death on social media.
Livestreams and Recordings
A lot of funerals are now livestreamed or recorded so people far away can watch. If the family has arranged this it’s usually done by the funeral home or a relative with a camera set up quietly.
As a guest don’t record any of the service yourself, even if it’s being streamed. If you’d like a copy, ask the family whether they plan to share the recording.
If you can’t attend in person and are watching from home our page on what to say when you can’t attend a funeral has some short messages you can send.
Quick Do’s and Don’ts
- Do put your phone on silent before you walk in.
- Do follow any instructions in the program or from the officiant.
- Do ask someone close to the family before taking any photo.
- Do send photos privately to the family if they’d like them.
- Don’t take photos of the person in the casket.
- Don’t take selfies during the funeral.
- Don’t photograph people who are upset.
- Don’t post anything online before the family has.
If you’re still not sure – leave the phone in your pocket. You’ll never regret not taking a photo at a funeral but you might regret taking the wrong one.
The best thing you can bring is your attention. Listen to the stories, hug the people who need it and try to enjoy the funeral as much as you can. The memories will stay with you regardless of whether you get a picture or not.