When someone you love passes you’ll probably have started to receive flowers very quickly. And they’re lovely. It’s such a kind and thoughtful gesture.
But a lot of families these days would rather see that money go somewhere meaningful. A charity the person cared about. Maybe the hospice that looked after them. Or even a fund to help with what’s been left behind.
If that’s what you want then you’ve probably realized how tricky it is to ask for it. Putting “please donate instead of sending flowers” into words can feel awkward, like you’re being forward at the worst possible time.
But you’re not. It’s one of the most common requests there is now and most people are relieved to be told how they can help.
So I have a big selection of funeral donation request wording examples you can use or change them to your own. There’s wording for obituaries, for the funeral program, for memorial funds, specific charities and for sharing the request online. Choose whatever fits your situation.
How to Word a Funeral Donation Request
Before the examples this is a sort of bare bones outline I’d keep in mind. A good donation request only needs to do four things:
- Say what you’d like instead – usually framed as “in lieu of flowers” or “in memory of”
- Name the cause – the charity, fund, organization etc. the money should go to
- Tell people how to give – a website, an address or a note that envelopes will be at the service
- Keep the warmth in it – one line about why this mattered to your loved one goes a long way
That is enough. You don’t need to do any extra explaining or apologize for asking. A short and clear request will make it easier for people to act on.
One thing worth mentioning as well – “in lieu of flowers” technically means instead of flowers and some people read that as a polite no to flowers altogether. If you’d happily accept both there’s wording further down for that too.
“In Lieu of Flowers” Donation Wording for an Obituary
Most people put the request near the end of the obituary after the service details. Keep these short. The obituary isn’t the place for a long ask.
In lieu of flowers, the family kindly requests donations be made to [charity name] in memory of [name].
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In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to [charity], a cause that was close to [name]’s heart.
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The family asks that, in lieu of flowers, donations be sent to [organization] at [address or website].
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Rather than flowers, [name] would have loved for any gifts to go to [charity name], who supported the family so kindly.
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In memory of [name], the family suggests donations to [charity] in place of floral tributes.
If your loved one had a connection to the cause then it’s a good idea to say so in a line. “A lifelong supporter of [charity]” or “who volunteered there for years” makes the request feel that little bite more personal rather than something bland and generic.
Funeral Program Donation Request Wording
You’ll often see this printed on the back of the order of service or on a small insert card. Because people are holding it in their hands at the service you can make it a little warmer.
In loving memory of [name], the family invites you to make a donation to [charity] in place of flowers. Envelopes are available at the back of the chapel.
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[Name] cared deeply about [cause]. If you’d like to honor that, donations to [charity] would mean the world to us. Details are on the card enclosed.
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Should you wish to remember [name] with a gift, the family has chosen [charity] to receive any donations. Thank you for your kindness.
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In place of flowers, please consider a contribution to [organization]. It’s a cause [name] believed in, and your generosity helps carry that forward.
Memorial Fund Request Wording
Sometimes the money isn’t going to a charity but to a fund. It might be to to help with funeral costs, to support a surviving partner or children. You might even want to set up something in the person’s name. These need a little more care because you’re asking on behalf of the family directly.
A memorial fund has been set up in [name]’s memory to support [his/her] children. Anyone wishing to contribute can do so at [link]. Every gift, large or small, is deeply appreciated.
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In lieu of flowers, the family has created the [name] Memorial Fund to help with [funeral expenses / ongoing care for the family]. Donations can be made at [link or address].
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To honor [name]’s memory, we’ve started a fund to [purpose – e.g. fund a scholarship at his old school]. If you’d like to be part of it, details are below.
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We’ve set up a memorial fund in place of flowers. The money raised will go toward [purpose], something [name] would have been so proud of.
If you’re using a platform like GoFundMe just add the link. People expect that now and it makes it easier for them to know how to give.
Donation Requests for a Specific Charity
When there’s one clear cause – cancer research, a hospice, an animal shelter, a veterans’ group – naming it makes the request more powerful. People give more when they know exactly where it’s going.
In memory of [name], the family asks that donations be made to [Hospice name], who cared for [him/her] with such compassion in [his/her] final weeks.
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[Name] battled [illness] with grace. In lieu of flowers, please consider a gift to [charity] to help fund the research that matters so much to families like ours.
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A devoted animal lover, [name] would want any gifts to go to [animal shelter / rescue]. Donations can be made at [website].
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In honor of [name]’s service, the family suggests donations to [veterans’ organization] in place of flowers.
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Donations in [name]’s memory may be made to [church / faith organization], a community that meant everything to [him/her].
Most national charities now have a tribute or memorial giving page where donors can dedicate a gift to a person. A lot them will even send the family a note letting them know who it was that gave. So that’s something worth checking on the charity’s site for before you publish anything.
Asking for Donations in Addition to Flowers
Not everyone wants to turn flowers away. Some families love them and still want to offer a charitable option.
This is how to word it so people feel free to do either.
The family welcomes flowers, and for those who’d prefer, donations to [charity] in [name]’s memory are warmly received.
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Flowers are appreciated. If you’d rather, a gift to [organization] in memory of [name] is another lovely way to remember [him/her].
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Whether you choose flowers or a donation to [charity], please know your thoughtfulness brings the family great comfort.
This framing takes all the pressure off. Nobody feels they’ve done the wrong thing, and you still open the door to giving.
Sharing the Request Online
A lot of this now happens online in places like Facebook, a group message or on a memorial website. The tone can be a little more conversational here than in a printed obituary but the four basics I went through earlier still apply.
Thank you all so much for the love you’ve shown our family this week. For anyone asking how they can help – rather than flowers, we’d be so grateful for donations to [charity], a cause [name] truly believed in. Here’s the link: [link]. It means more than we can say.
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We’ve been overwhelmed by your kindness. In [name]’s memory, we’ve chosen to support [charity] instead of flowers. If you’d like to give, you can do so here: [link]. No gift is too small and every one honors [him/her].
For an email or a note in a funeral invitation the same wording works – just add the main details people will need, like the service time and the donation link, in one place.
A Few Tips for Asking Without Feeling Awkward
The first time my family did this it was for my aunt and we asked for donations to the hospice that had cared for her. I worried it would come across as cold. Like we didn’t want people’s flowers.
But I was so happy to find it was the opposite. People told us afterward how glad they were to be given guidance of somewhere that mattered instead of having to guess. So if you’re hesitating here’s what helped us:
- Pick the cause early. Decide before the obituary goes out so the wording is consistent everywhere – obituary, program, online and word of mouth.
- Make giving as easy as possible. One link or one address. The fewer steps there are the more people follow through.
- Don’t apologize for asking. You’re offering people a meaningful way to help. You aren’t being an imposition.
- Tie it to the person. “A cause she championed for thirty years” will have more of an impact than a charity name on its own.
- Plan to say thank you. Many charities will tell you who donated. Keeping a small list now makes sending thank you notes for donations so much easier later on.
If you’re trying to decide whether to ask for donations at all our post on in lieu of flowers alternatives and etiquette goes through the whole question in more detail. And for the people wondering what to write when they give we have a guide on what to write when making a donation in memory of someone too.
Whatever you choose to go with you’re giving the people who loved your person a way to turn their grief into something good. That’s a beautiful thing to offer.
