Asking for time off after someone dies feels strange. When you’re going through the grief of losing someone it’s incredibly hard to have to sit down and write a professional email to your boss. It’s not really fair.
So if you’re trying to decide what to say in a email asking for bereavement leave then this guide is for you. We’ll go through how to ask for bereavement leave the right way, what to put in the message and what to leave out and I’ve also included some email samples you can copy or change to fit your situation.
What is Bereavement Leave?
Bereavement leave is time off work after the death of someone close to you. It’s meant to give you space to grieve, make funeral arrangements, travel if you need to and deal with all the admin that follows a death without worrying about your job.
But a lot of people don’t realize that in the US there’s no federal law that says your employer has to give you paid bereavement leave. A few states have their own rules but for most people it comes down to the company’s policy. So how much time you get or ether you have to use up your vacation time, is it paid etc. comes down to who you work for.
That sounds quite bleak, I know. But on the other side of things is that most companies do offer something and most managers are human beings who understand that grief is hard.
How Many Days of Bereavement Leave Do You Get?
It varies a lot but this is roughly what’s typical when a company does offer it:
- Immediate family (spouse, child, parent, sibling): usually 3 to 5 days
- Extended family (grandparent, aunt, uncle, in-laws): often 1 to 3 days
- A close friend or more distant relative: sometimes 1 day, sometimes at the manager’s discretion
These are just averages. Your HR department will have the real answer so it’s worth asking.
And if the standard allowance isn’t enough, which it very often isn’t, you can usually ask to extend it using your vacation days, personal days or unpaid leave.
How to Ask for Bereavement Leave
A short message is far better than a long one where you feel pressured to explain yourself. But don’t overthink it.
This is the simple version of what to do:
- Tell them as soon as you reasonably can. A quick message lets your team plan around your absence and shows you’re being considerate even in a hard moment.
- Say who has died and your relationship to them. You don’t owe anyone the details but it’s good to give them enough to understand.
- State the dates you’ll be away. If you’re not sure yet give a rough idea and say you’ll confirm it with them.
- Keep it professional but human. You’re allowed to sound like a person going through something.
- Mention work cover if you can. Something about who’s handling your job/tasks is good if you can but don’t stress if you’re not up to it.
Email is usually the best way to do this because it gives you a record of it and your manager something to forward to HR. A text or quick call is fine for the first time you let them know. It might be easier if you’re close with your boss too.
What to Include in Your Bereavement Leave Email
If you want a simple checklist your message really only needs four things:
- A clear subject line (something like “Bereavement Leave Request” or “Time Off — Family Bereavement”)
- Who has passed and your relationship to them
- The dates you expect to be away
- A short note on work cover or that you’ll check messages if you’re able
You don’t need to apologize repeatedly or justify your grief. Anything beyond the basics is up to you if you want to include.
Bereavement Leave Email Samples
Below are some templates you can copy and change as much as you’d like. Add in your own details and alter the tone so it matches your relationship with your manager.
I’d always try to add a personal line or two if you can. But on a day like this copying something word for word is understandable.
Bereavement Leave Email for the Loss of an Immediate Family Member
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Subject: Bereavement Leave Request
Hi [Manager’s name],
I’m writing to let you know that my [mother/father/sibling] passed away [yesterday/this morning], and I’ll need to take bereavement leave to be with my family and help with arrangements.
I expect to be out from [start date] to [end date], and I’ll confirm if anything changes. [Colleague’s name] has kindly agreed to cover anything urgent while I’m away.
Thank you for understanding.
[Your name]
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Short and Simple Version
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Subject: Time Off — Bereavement
Hi [Manager’s name],
I’ve had a death in the family and need to take bereavement leave from [start date] to [end date]. I’ll be reachable by email for anything urgent.
Thank you,
[Your name]
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When You’re Not Sure How Long You’ll Need
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Subject: Bereavement Leave
Hi [Manager’s name],
I’m sorry to share that my [relationship] has passed away. I need to take some time off starting [date], but I’m not yet sure exactly how long I’ll need as arrangements are still being made.
Could we touch base in a few days so I can give you firm dates? I appreciate your patience with this.
Thank you,
[Your name]
******************
For the Loss of a More Distant Relative or Close Friend
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Subject: Request for Time Off
Hi [Manager’s name],
Someone very close to me has passed away and I’d like to request [one/two] day[s] off on [date] to attend the funeral and be with family.
Please let me know if you need anything from me to arrange this.
Thank you,
[Your name]
******************
Emailing HR Directly
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Subject: Bereavement Leave Request — [Your name]
Hi [HR contact name],
I’m writing to formally request bereavement leave following the death of my [relationship]. I’ve spoken with [Manager’s name], who is aware.
I’ll be away from [start date] to [end date]. Could you let me know what documentation, if any, you need from me, and how this leave will be recorded?
Thank you,
[Your name]
[Job title / department]
******************
A Quick Text or Message to Your Boss
If you have a closer relationship with your manager and just need to get let them know the situation quickly then a short message is fine:
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Hi [Name], I wanted to let you know my [relationship] passed away last night. I’m going to need a few days off to be with family. I’ll send a proper email once things are clearer. Thank you for understanding.
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What If Your Employer Doesn’t Offer Bereavement Leave?
If there’s no formal policy you still have options. You can ask to use paid vacation or personal days, request unpaid leave or ask if you can work from home or on a reduced schedule for a week or two while you get yourself together.
Make it a request and keep it straightforward:
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Subject: Request for Time Off Following a Death in the Family
Hi [Manager’s name],
I’ve recently lost my [relationship] and need some time away from work. As I understand we don’t have a set bereavement policy, I’d like to request [number] days, using my paid leave or as unpaid time, whichever works best.
I’m happy to discuss how to cover my responsibilities while I’m out. Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.
[Your name]
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Most reasonable employers will work with you. If yours won’t that tells you something too but try not to spend the energy you don’t have fighting when you’re feeling the way you are.
How to Ask to Extend Your Bereavement Leave
Sometimes the standard three to five days won’t be enough. It could be because the funeral gets delayed, maybe you’re an executor or the grief is harder to cope with than you expected. There’s no shame in needing more time and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it or asking for more time off.
When you ask be honest but keep it short. You don’t have to get emotional to justify it:
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Subject: Extending My Leave
Hi [Manager’s name],
Thank you for the time off this past week. I’ve found I need a little longer than expected to manage everything and look after myself. Would it be possible to extend my leave through [date]? I’m happy to use vacation days or take this as unpaid.
I appreciate your support and will make sure my work is covered.
[Your name]
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Final Thoughts
Asking for time off is something you don’t think about until the grief really hits you. Be kind to yourself about it. A short message that is honesty about your situation is more than enough and the people worth working for will understand.
When you’re ready to think about getting back to work always be absolutely sure first and take it slow to begin with. Grief doesn’t end when bereavement leave does and it’s normal to still feel emotional and struggle for a while after.
If you’re also trying to find the right words for others around you then you might find our guides on what to say when someone dies and how to respond to condolences helpful. And if a colleague is the one grieving our condolence messages for colleagues and condolence emails to coworkers are a good place to start.
