Finding out you’ve lost someone is hard enough. Then you have to tell work.
You’re experiencing grief and some of the worst moments of your life and you can barely think straight yet somehow you’re supposed to type out a calm message to your boss explaining why you won’t be in.
I had to go through something like this when my grandmother passed. I knew I had to message my manager but everything I typed out either felt too cold or like i was going overboard. In the end I sent something short and that was probably a bit clumsy but it turned out fine.
So if that’s what you’re going through now then don’t panic. A text to your boss about a death in the family does not need to be perfect.
All it needs to do is let them know what’s happened and roughly what you need. Below are some wording examples you can copy as they are or change so they sound more like you.
What to Include in a Text to Your Boss
You don’t need to explain everything or justify yourself. A short message with some clear details is more than enough. The bits that help your boss are:
- That there’s been a death in your family
- Roughly who it was (you can keep this as vague or as specific as you want)
- That you won’t be able to work today, or for the next few days
- When you’ll be in touch again, even if that’s just “I’ll update you when I know more”
Those are the main points. All you’re doing is informing them of a situation and most decent managers will respond with kindness.
Short Text Message Examples for a Death in the Family
These are short but honest and enough to get the message across.
- Hi [name], I’m so sorry for the short notice but there’s been a death in my family and I won’t be able to come in today. I’ll keep you updated.
- Morning [name]. I’ve had some terrible news, there’s been a death in the family. I need to take today off and I’ll let you know about the rest of the week as soon as I can.
- Hi [name], I wanted to let you know we’ve lost a close family member. I’m not going to be able to work for the next couple of days. I’ll be in touch.
- Hi [name], I’m really sorry to message like this but my family has had a sudden loss. I won’t be in today and possibly the rest of the week. Will update you when I know more.
- Hi [name], there’s been a death in my family and I’m struggling a bit. I need to take some time off, starting today. I’ll let you know my plans soon.
If You Need to Leave Work or Take Time Off Straight Away
Sometimes the news comes while you’re already at work or you find out the funeral is happening fast and you need to go. In that case you want to be clear about the timings.
- Hi [name], I’ve just had a call to say a family member has passed away. I need to leave now to be with my family. So sorry for the suddenness of this.
- Hi [name], there’s been a death in my family and the funeral is this [day]. I’ll need to be off from [date] to [date]. Please let me know if you need anything from me before then.
- Hi [name], I’m so sorry but I have to head off, there’s been a death in the family and I need to get to my [relative]. I’ll message you later with more detail.
- Hi [name], regrettably my [relative] has passed away and I need to attend the funeral this afternoon. I’ll need to leave around [time]. Apologies for the short notice.
Messages for a Specific Loss
You don’t have to name who died but some people find it easier than a vague mention of a “family member”. These example messages are for a particular relationship.
Loss of a Parent
- Hi [name], I’m so sorry to message you with this but my [mother/father] passed away last night. I won’t be able to work for a little while. I’ll be in touch once I’ve spoken to my family.
- Hi [name], my dad died this morning and I’m not in any state to work. I need to take time off starting today. I’ll update you as soon as I can think straight.
Loss of a Grandparent
- Hi [name], I’ve just found out my grandmother has passed away. I won’t be in today and may need a couple of days. Sorry for the short notice.
- Hi [name], we lost my grandfather over the weekend. I’d like to take a few days off for the funeral and to be with my family. I’ll send the dates once they’re confirmed.
Loss of a Sibling, Child or Spouse
- Hi [name], I’ve had the worst possible news, my [sister/brother] has died. I’m going to need time off and honestly I’m not sure how long yet. I’ll keep you posted as best I can.
- Hi [name], there’s been a devastating loss in my immediate family and I won’t be able to work for the foreseeable future. I’ll be in touch with HR about my options. Thank you for understanding.
If You Have a Formal Relationship With Your Boss
If you’re not especially close to your manager or your workplace is a very professional sort of atmosphere then you can make it formal without being too cold.
- Dear [name], I’m writing to let you know there has been a death in my family. I will need to take bereavement leave and will be unavailable from today. I’ll follow up regarding the expected length of my absence.
- Hi [name], I wanted to inform you that I’ve experienced a loss in my family. I’d like to request time off in line with the company’s bereavement policy. I’ll send the relevant dates shortly.
If You’re Close to Your Boss
And if your boss is more of a friend you can be honest and say it like it is.
- Hey [name], really not doing great. We lost my [relative] and I’m a mess. I can’t come in today, maybe not this week. I’ll let you know.
- Hi [name], I’ve had some awful news at home, a death in the family. I just can’t face work right now. I’ll be in touch when I’ve got my head round things. Thanks for understanding.
Should You Text, Call or Email?
A text message is fine, especially as a first way of letting someone when something has just happened. Nobody expects you to compose a formal email an hour after losing someone.
That said there are a few things worth knowing:
- A text is great for the first “I won’t be in” message especially outside of office hours or early in the morning.
- If your workplace has a proper bereavement policy you’ll usually need to follow the text up with an email or a word with HR so the time off is logged correctly.
- If you’re going to be off for a longer period then an email creates a record of the dates which protects you later on when you’re in no fit state to remember who you told what.
So a quick text at first and then a tidier email or call once everything has settled down a bit. There’s nothing that says you have to do it all at once.
What to Say About How Much Time You Need
This is arguably the most difficult part. You don’t want to ask for too much but you also have no idea how you’ll feel in three days. My advice is to be honest that you don’t know yet.
- I’m not sure how much time I’ll need yet, I’ll have a clearer idea once funeral arrangements are made.
- I’d like to take the rest of the week and I’ll reassess from there if that’s okay.
- I’ll need at least until after the funeral on [date]. I’ll let you know if I need longer.
It’s far easier to ask for a couple of days and then extend it than to feel pressured into returning before you’re ready. Most employers would rather you took the time than come back and fall apart at your desk.
Following Up Once Things Have Settled
Once the shock has passed a short message to follow up will go a long way. It keeps things clear and it’s helpful for your boss who’s probably been covering for you.
- Hi [name], thank you so much for being understanding this week. The funeral is on [date] and I’m planning to be back at work on [date]. I’ll catch up on anything urgent then.
- Hi [name], just wanted to update you. I’m doing a bit better and I’ll be back in on [date]. Really appreciate the space you gave me.
And if colleagues sent their condolences while you were away it’s lovely to acknowledge that when you’re ready, though there’s absolutely no rush. If you wants one help with that then we’ve got wording ideas for thank you notes to coworkers.
Telling your boss you’ve had a death in the family feels like it’s going to be so hard at first. But it really is one of the simpler parts of a horrible situation.
A few words that spell out what’s happened is enough. They don’t need the full story and you don’t owe anyone a perfectly worded message while you’re grieving.
If you’re looking for more on navigating a loss our guide on what to say when someone dies might help and there’s support and resources at our grief support page if you need somewhere to turn. And if it’s the other way round and it’s your boss who’s grieving we have condolence messages for a boss too.
