I talked about the first things I wrote in my grief journal in the guide to getting started with grief journaling. It was a few words but it got me started.
I didn’t write again for weeks. But when I did come back to that notebook something had changed.
The few words had been waiting for me and this time a few more came after them. Then a few more the next day.
Nothing I was writing was clever or special and half of it didn’t even make a lot of sense when I read it back later. But it slowly started to help.
That’s what grief journaling is all about. It isn’t writing beautifully or having answers.
It’s about giving your grief somewhere to go that isn’t just stuck inside your chest or head. And if you’re here because you don’t know where to start these prompts will help.
You don’t have to use all of them nor do you have to use them in order. Some days you’ll write pages and some days you’ll manage one line.
If you need a bit more comfort alongside the writing you might find our grief quotes or poems about grief something worth looking at too.
Why Journaling Helps When You’re Grieving
There’s no point pretending a notebook fixes grief. Nothing fixes grief. But there’s a reason people have been writing their way through loss for such a long time.
When you’re grieving your mind tends to go in a loop. The same thoughts, the same regrets, the same conversations you wish you’d had circle round and round with nowhere to go.
Getting them onto paper doesn’t make them disappear but it does something more useful – it lets you get rid of them for a moment so you’re not carrying every single one all at once.
There’s some real evidence behind this too. Research into expressive writing, a lot of it built on the work of psychologist James Pennebaker, has found that writing about difficult emotional experiences for even short periods can ease psychological distress over time.
Grief is so common and yet not talked about enough – the CDC records millions of deaths in the US every year, which means millions of people are grieving at any given moment.
A few things journaling can help with while you grieve:
- A private place to say the things you can’t say out loud yet
- A way to keep the person close by writing about them, their voice, their habits, the small things you don’t want to forget
- Somewhere to put anger, guilt and the messy feelings people don’t always want to hear about
- A record you can look back on that shows you how far you’ve come even on the days it doesn’t feel like you’ve moved at all
- A calm routine you can rely on
How to Start
These are a few ways to get started if you’re not sure how to. None of these are rules so you can use some and ignore the ones that don’t fit.
Lower the Bar as Far as It Will Go
You are not writing a book. You’re not even writing a paragraph unless you want to. A single sentence is fine. “Today was hard” is an entry. My very first entry was three words and I still see it as one of the most important things I’ve ever written.
Don’t Worry About Grammar or Spelling
This is the one place where none of that matters. So don’t worry about crossing things out or it looking messy. Write in fragments. Swear if you need to. The notebook doesn’t care.
Pick a Time That Suits You
Some people like the quiet of early morning. I always ended up writing at night when the house was still and everything during to day was done and not distracting me. There’s no correct time.
Use a Prompt When You’re Stuck
When you don’t know what to write you don’t have to find it from nowhere. Pick from one of the prompts below, read it and just start answering. Let it take you wherever it takes you.
Grief Journaling Prompts for the Early Days
The first days and weeks are some of the hardest. You’re often numb, exhausted and running on autopilot. These prompts are kinder for that reason – they don’t ask you to make sense of anything just to notice where you are.
- Right now, in this exact moment, I feel…
- The hardest part of today was…
- One thing that got me through today, however small, was…
- If I could say one thing to _______ right now, it would be…
- My body feels… (grief lives in the body too – are you tired, tense, hollow, restless?)
- The thing I keep replaying in my mind is…
- Something I’m dreading is… and here’s what I’m scared of about it…
- Today I need… (be honest, even if you can’t ask anyone for it out loud)
- The last normal moment we had together was…
- I don’t have words for this yet, but if I did they might be…
If you’re supporting someone else who is in these early days our guide on what to say to someone who is grieving might help you find the right words too.
Prompts to Remember the Person You Lost
One of my favorite things journaling gave me was a place to have a memory of someone. The details fade faster than you expect and writing them down is a way of keeping them for longer.
- My favorite memory of _______ is…
- The thing they always said that I never want to forget is…
- _______ was at their happiest when…
- Something they taught me, on purpose or by accident, was…
- A small, ordinary moment with them that I’d give anything to have back is…
- The way they made me feel was…
- If I close my eyes and picture them, I see…
- Their laugh sounded like…
- The tradition or habit of theirs I want to carry on is…
- Something they’d be proud of me for right now is…
- A story about them I want to make sure gets told is…
- What I loved most about them was…
These memory prompts can also become something you keep. Some people turn them into a tribute over time – if that sounds good our guide on tribute messages honoring a loved one’s memory and our collection of in loving memory quotes can add a few words when you aren’t sure what to say.
Prompts for the Hard Emotions Nobody Warns You About
Grief is not just sadness. It’s anger and guilt and relief and resentment and a so many more feelings that seem to contradict each other. And you can sometimes feel them all in the same hour. Those are the feelings people find hardest to admit out loud which is why the page is such a good place for them. Nothing in your journal should be off limits.
Anger
- I’m angry that…
- The thing that makes me furious when I think about it is…
- I’m angry at _______ for… (yes, you’re allowed to be angry at the person who died)
- When people say the wrong thing to me, what I actually want to say back is…
Guilt and Regret
- The thing I wish I’d said was…
- The thing I wish I’d done differently was…
- I feel guilty about… and here’s what I’d want a good friend to tell me about that guilt…
- If I could go back to one moment, I’d choose… because…
- Something I need to forgive myself for is…
The Confusing Ones
- I felt relief when… and that’s complicated because…
- A feeling I’m ashamed of is… but here it is anyway…
- The strangest thing about grief so far has been…
- I feel guilty when I laugh or have a good day because…
If it helps to know you’re not alone in any of this we have advice from 25 grief professionals that is honest about how tangled and unpredictable these feelings can be.
Letter Writing Prompts: Writing To the Person You Lost
This is the one I recommend most. Writing a letter to the person you’ve lost sounds strange until you try it and then it feels like the most natural thing in the world. You get to say all the things you didn’t get to say. You get to keep talking to them.
Start however you’d start any letter to them – “Dear Mum” or “Hey you”. Whatever you always called them and then use these:
- There’s something I never got to tell you…
- Here’s what’s been happening since you left…
- I wish you could have been here for…
- Thank you for…
- I’m sorry for…
- Here’s what I want you to know…
- The thing I miss most about you is…
- If you could answer me one question, I’d ask you…
It might come out something like this:
Dear _______,
It’s been three months and I still reach for my phone to call you when something funny happens. I forget, for half a second, and then I remember, and it knocks the wind out of me every single time.
I never told you enough how much you shaped me. Everything steady in me came from you. I hope you knew that. I think you did.
I’m doing okay. Some days more than others. I’m trying to make you proud and I’m trying to be gentle with myself when I can’t. I miss you more than these words can hold.
All my love, always.
******************
Prompts for Anniversaries, Birthdays and Holidays
The hard days have a way of sneaking up on you. Birthdays, the anniversary of the loss, the first Christmas, the empty chair at the table – they can hit you hard and do so whether you’ve ready for them or not. Journaling around these dates can take some of the sting out of them or at least give the grief somewhere to go.
- Today is _______ and it’s difficult because…
- How I want to honor them today is…
- If they were here, we’d probably be…
- The tradition I want to keep alive on this day is…
- A new ritual I could create to remember them is…
- On their birthday, the thing I want to say to them is…
- What I’m most anxious about for this holiday season is…
- One small way I’ll be kind to myself today is…
Birthdays after a loss are particular hard. We’ve written more on that in how to say happy birthday after a loss, and for the festive season remembering loved ones at Christmas might help you through.
Prompts for Finding Your Way Forward
There comes a point – but don’t be rushed to meet it – where the journaling starts to become something else. You start figuring out how you can and still live your own life.
- Grief has changed me in these ways…
- Something I understand now that I didn’t before is…
- I’m learning to carry this by…
- The version of me they’d want me to become is…
- A small step forward I took recently was…
- What “moving forward” means to me is… (and what it definitely doesn’t mean)
- I can honor them by…
- Something I’m slowly making peace with is…
- The love hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s just changed shape into…
- One hope I’m allowing myself to have again is…
Gratitude and Love Prompts
This might feel impossible early on and if it does you can skip over it and come back another time. But eventually there’s comfort in turning toward the love as much as the loss. Grief, after all, is just love with nowhere to go.
- I’m grateful I got to…
- The gift of knowing them was…
- Something they gave me that I’ll carry forever is…
- I’m thankful for the time we had because…
- A person who’s shown up for me during this is… and I want to thank them by…
- The love we shared taught me…
- Even in the grief, I can be grateful for…
Quick Prompts for the Days You Can Only Manage a Line
Some days you don’t have the energy or the words to get into your feelings. On those days one line is good enough. Keep this list for when your tank is empty.
- Today I felt…
- I miss…
- One word for today:
- Right now I need…
- Something small that helped:
- Thinking of you because…
- Today I remembered…
- I’m proud of myself for…
- Three words for how I feel:
- If they were here I’d tell them…
Grief Journaling Prompts for the Loss of a Pet
If the loss you’re grieving is a pet journalling can help too. These prompts are for that pet you loved.
- My favorite thing about _______ was…
- The little routines we had together were…
- The house feels different now because…
- What _______ taught me about love was…
- A moment with them that always makes me smile is…
- I want people to understand that losing them feels…
- The way they greeted me is something I’ll never forget because…
How to Keep It Going Without Turning It Into a Chore
The goal isn’t to journal every single day forever. It should be helping you. If it starts to feel like homework that’s a sign to slow down or stop, not to force it.
- Keep the notebook somewhere you’ll see it – by the bed, on the kitchen table, in your bag
- Let yourself skip days without feeling guilty
- Don’t reread everything unless you want to. Sometimes writing it and closing the book is the whole point
- Try voice notes on the days writing feels like too much – you can always transcribe them later if you want to
- Date your entries. Months from now seeing how far you’ve come can be powerful
- If a prompt brings up too much, stop. There’s no prize for pushing through pain you’re not ready for
When Journaling Isn’t Enough
Journaling is a wonderful companion through grief but it isn’t a replacement for real support, and it can’t do it all on its own.
If you’re finding that the weight isn’t easing at all or it’s getting heavier – if you’re struggling to function day to day, feeling hopeless for long stretches, or having thoughts of not wanting to be here – please reach out to someone.
A doctor, a grief counselor, a trusted friend, a helpline.
In the US you can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night. Grief support groups, both in person and online, can also be a lifeline.
Final Thoughts
You can’t do grief journalling wrong. Some entries will be long and some will be a few words you get down at the kitchen table. All of them count.
And when the words won’t come don’t worry – your journal will be there tomorrow.
