My dad was not a talker. He was the fixer type. If you had a problem you brought it to him and he would sort it out. But he would do so without saying much.
So when he died I didn’t just lose my father. That’s bad enough on its own. But I also lost the person I brought my problems to. And the biggest problem I had ever faced, losing him, was the one thing he wasn’t able to help me fix.
I wrote about the loss of my mother and it worked for my father too. The notebook became the place I brought the things I would have asked or said to him. It didn’t answer back the way he would have but getting the words down helped.
So if you have lost your dad these grief journal prompts are somewhere to begin. Use the ones that fit you and your dad and leave the rest.
How to Use These Prompts
A few things that make grief journaling easier:
- There is no need to write a lot.Don’t feel pressured to hit a word count or anything like that. One line that really helps is better than an entire page that says very little
- Pick a regular time if you can, even just a few minutes with a coffee
- Do not censor yourself. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or like anyone is judging what you write
- Skip any prompt that does not work for you and come back to it another day. Or never
- If you’re writing by hand and it feels too slow you can try talking into your phone and writing the notes up later. It still counts
Why This Helps
Men in particular are often raised to keep grief buttoned up and a lot of us inherit that from our fathers without ever realizing. A private notebook gets around all of that. You don’t have to be strong for or reassure anyone.
Grief specialists like to recommend writing because naming a feeling tends to take some of the charge out of it. Studies of expressive writing suggest that people who put their hardest experiences into words often cope a little better than those who keep it all inside.
You do not have to believe the research to try it for ten minutes and see. If you want some thoughtful words alongside your own our loss of father quotes work well with a journal entry.
Journal Prompts for the Early Days
The first period after losing your father can feel very strange and almost like it’s not real, like you are moving through water. These prompts are for when it is all still all raw.
- Right now my grief feels like…
- The moment it became real that my dad was gone was…
- The hardest part of today was…
- One thing I wish I could ask him right now is…
- Something practical he always handled that I now have to face is…
- When people ask how I am doing, the true answer is…
- My body is carrying this grief in these ways…
- The thing that got me through today, however small, was…
Prompts for Remembering your Dad
- My earliest memory of my dad is…
- The thing he was proudest of was…
- A phrase or a bit of advice he repeated all the time was…
- Something he taught me how to do was…
- The way he showed love, even if he never said the word, was…
- A time I saw him really happy was…
- His hands, his walk, his laugh. Describe them so you keep them…
- A story about him that always gets told at family gatherings is…
- Something he was hopeless at, that I love him for anyway, was…
- The smell or sound that instantly brings him back is…
Prompts for the Feelings that are Harder to Say Out Loud
Father relationships are not always simple. There can be lots of conflicting and complicated feelings and things that were never said or never resolved. All of it is allowed to go on the page.
- Something I never got to tell him is…
- I feel guilty about…
- I feel angry that…
- A part of our relationship I wish had been different is…
- Something I need to forgive him for is…
- Something I hope he forgave me for is…
- The conversation we never managed to have was about…
- If our relationship was complicated, what I want to hold onto is… and what I want to lay down is…
Prompts for Missing him in Everyday Life
Losing your father shows up at odd times. The match you want to talk about. The car trouble you would have called him for. He leaves a hole in your life where you’d ask for advice.
- The thing I most want to call him about lately is…
- A moment his absence caught me off guard was…
- Something I do not know how to do without him is…
- On Father’s Day I want to…
- A big milestone he is going to miss is… and what I would want him to know is…
- I notice I am becoming like my dad when I…
- The everyday thing I miss most is not the grand stuff, it is…
- Who do I turn to now for the things I used to bring to him…
Prompts for Keeping Him With You
Grief becomes something you carry rather than something you ever really get over. These prompts are about keeping your dad with you as you go.
- A way I want to honor his memory is…
- Something of his I will keep is… and what it means to me
- A lesson of his I want to pass on is…
- If I could write him a letter today, I would tell him…
- What I believe he would want for me now is…
- The best of him that lives on in me is…
- A tradition of his I am going to keep alive is…
Birthdays, anniversaries and the days you just needed him are all good times to pick the pen back up and journal again. If you want to leave him a message on those days too our I miss you dad quotes can help when you’re not sure what to say.
I still reach for the phone when something breaks.
I still hear his “sorted” when I finally figure it out alone.
He did not leave me helpless.
He left me the tools, and the memory of the man who taught me to use them.
Final Thoughts
Some days the notebook will be a relief and some days you will not be able to open it. That’s completely understandable.
If everything starts to feel like too much then please take that seriously and reach out. A doctor, a grief counselor or someone you trust can share the load.
