You often can’t plan for a funeral. A death of a loved one can happen without warning.
And when it does you have to find the money to pay for what is usually a costly funeral. It’s a horrible position to be in.
Funerals are expensive. According to the National Funeral Directors Association the median cost of a funeral with a viewing and burial is now more than $8,000, and that doesn’t even include the cemetery plot or the headstone. Most families don’t have that kind of money sitting around, especially when the death comes out of nowhere.
So asking for a little help is not something to feel embarrassed about. Those who knew and loved the deceased will want to help in some way. Giving toward the funeral is one of those ways.
I know that asking still feels awkward though. So this guide will help you through how to ask for donations for funeral expenses so it isn’t uncomfortable along with wording examples you can use when you don’t have the words yourself.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help With Funeral Costs
Asking for help to pay for a funeral does not make you a burden. It doesn’t mean you failed to prepare either.
When a relative of mine passed suddenly a few years ago one of my family members was struggling. She was absolutely mortified at the thought of asking anyone for money.
But when people learned she needed help rhey wanted to give. Old work friends, neighbors, people she hadn’t seen in years. What she thought would feel like begging turned out to be one of the most comforting things about that whole terrible time. It showed her how much he was loved.
When you let people contribute you’re giving them a way to help and be a part of it. Grief makes people feel powerless and offering support in the way of helping with the funeral costs is something they can do.
How to Ask for Donations for Funeral Expenses
It depends on your family, your circle and how public you want to be. But there are a few things that you’ll want to be aware of.
Choose How You’ll Collect the Money
Before you write anything decide how people will give. The main options are:
- An online fundraiser – a site like GoFundMe is the most common choice. It’s quick to set up, easy to share on social media and lets people give from anywhere with a card. This is usually the best choice if you want to reach a wide circle
- “In lieu of flowers” donations – you can direct people toward the funeral costs (or a chosen charity) right in the obituary or death announcement.
- Direct giving – close family and friends can either give you cash in person or transfer it. Some people prefer this because it feels more personal and there are no fees from the platform
- A collection at the service – a discreet donation box or basket at the funeral or wake, sometimes with request cards on the tables
Many families use a mix of these. You might set up a GoFundMe for the wider circle and still have a quiet box at the wake for those who’d rather give in person.
Be Clear About What the Money Is For
People will give more freely when they understand where their money is going. You don’t need to lay out all the costs and exactly where everything is going but a line or two hells. “To help cover the funeral and burial costs” is enough.
If there’s money left over and you are planning to put it toward something else, say so – maybe a memorial bench, or helping the kids left behind. Being upfront helps to build trust and means you don’t have to go through any awkward questions later.
Don’t Be Pushy
The tone is important. You’re not selling something and it shouldn’t sound demanding.
You’re letting people know there’s a way to help if they want to. Lead with the person you lost and the love around them, then mention the practical need almost as an afterthought.
And always, always make it clear that presence and kind words matter just as much as money. Not everyone has means to give and the last thing you want is for someone to feel bad about it.
Make It Easy to Give and Easy to Share
Once your fundraiser is set up the hardest part is often just getting the link in front of people. Don’t rely on one post.
Share it more than once, ask a couple of close friends or family members to share it too and add the link anywhere people are already gathering – the death announcement on Facebook, group chats, the online obituary etc. Grieving is exhausting and asking again and again feels uncomfortable so let a trusted friend be the one to spread the word.
What to Write When You Ask for Donations
This is where most people have a hard time, so here are wording examples for different situations. Change the names and details so it sounds more like you. Theyc should be a starting point not something you copy directly.
Wording for a GoFundMe or Fundraiser Page
Your fundraiser will need a short title and a longer description. Keep the description honest – a little about the person and a line about what happened and what you’re asking.
We are heartbroken to share that our beloved [Name] passed away on [date]. [His/Her] passing was sudden and has left our family reeling.
We never imagined we’d be planning a funeral so soon, and the costs have come as a shock during an already impossible time. We’re reaching out to ask for any help you can give toward [Name]’s funeral and burial.
No amount is too small, and if you’re not able to give we completely understand – your kind words and memories of [Name] mean the world to us. Thank you for loving [him/her] the way we did.
Here’s another for when there were long medical bills before the loss:
After a long and brave battle, our precious [Name] passed away on [date]. We are so grateful for the time we had, but the past months have been difficult in every way, including financially.
We’re asking for help covering [Name]’s funeral costs so we can give [him/her] the send-off [he/she] deserves without the added worry of how to pay for it. Every contribution, big or small, takes a little weight off our shoulders and we’re more thankful than words can say.
And one for a young family left behind:
It’s with broken hearts that we share the loss of [Name], a devoted [mom/dad] to [children’s names]. [He/She] was taken from us far too soon.
We’re raising funds to cover the funeral and to help [spouse’s name] and the children in the months ahead. If you’re able to give anything at all we’d be so grateful. And if you can’t, please just keep this little family in your thoughts – that matters too.
“In Lieu of Flowers” Donation Wording
If you’d rather keep things more low key it’s fine to point people toward donations right in the obituary or announcement instead of flowers. This is a well understood custom and nobody will bat an eye.
There’s more on this in our full guide to in lieu of flowers alternatives and etiquette but these are some simple wording to start you off:
In lieu of flowers, the family kindly asks that donations be made toward [Name]’s funeral expenses. A fund has been set up at [link/details].
The family requests that, in place of flowers, friends consider a contribution to help with funeral costs. Your generosity would mean a great deal during this difficult time.
If you’d like people to give to a cause your loved one cared about instead of, or aa well as, the funeral fund, there’s help on that in our post about what to write when making a donation in memory of someone.
Asking Friends and Family Directly
Sometimes you want to ask in a more personal way – a text or message to the people closest to you rather than a public campaign. Keep it short and give them a chance to say no:
Hi [Name], I hope you don’t mind me reaching out. As you can imagine things are a lot right now and we’re trying to pull together the funeral costs for [Name]. If you’d be able to help with anything at all it would mean so much, but please don’t feel any pressure either way. Just having you in our corner has helped more than you know.
We’ve set up a little fund to help with [Name]’s funeral. I’m sharing it with the people who loved [him/her] most. No obligation whatsoever – I just didn’t want you to feel left out of the chance to be part of it. Here’s the link: [link]
Donation Request Cards for the Funeral
Some families like to leave small cards on the tables at the wake or by a donation box at the service. These need to be short – just a line or two that clearly asks in a polite way:
- “In memory of [Name] – donations toward funeral costs are gratefully received. Thank you for being here today.”
- “If you’d like to help the family with funeral expenses, a donation box is at the back. Every kindness is appreciated.”
- “[Name] touched so many lives. If you wish to give toward the funeral, the family thanks you from the bottom of their hearts.”
A Few Things to Avoid
Most of asking well is just common sense and being kind but a few things can make people uncomfortable. Keep these in mind:
- Don’t put your target amount front and center – a goal is fine on a fundraiser page but saying something like “we need $10,000” can feel more like you’re demanding it than requesting
- Don’t guilt trip – saying something that make non givers feel bad will backfire. Always leave the door open for people who can’t give
- Don’t go silent afterward – people want to know they helped. Giving updates on the fundraiser or a note of thanks goes a long way
- Don’t overshare – you can be honest about the need without tell everyone all your private details. Share what feels right and keep the rest for yourself
Don’t Forget to Say Thank You
When everything settles down a bit the people who gave will mean the world to you and letting them know they made a difference is important. It doesn’t have to be anything special – a heartfelt message or a short handwritten note is perfect.
We’ve got a whole guide to funeral thank you notes for money if you need the words plus more general funeral thank you note examples for everyone else who came.
Asking for help is hard. But the people who love you and the deceased want to help you with this. Let them.
