The first grief journal I ever handed to a child was a spiral notebook with a wobbly star drawn on the front in gold pen. My friend’s daughter was seven and had just lost her grandad. She wasn’t crying, which somehow worried everyone more than if she had been. She just went quiet. So I gave her the notebook and a fistful of markers and said she could put anything she liked in there. No rules. That afternoon she filled three pages with a drawing of her grandad’s garden and a single sentence at the bottom: “I miss the tomatoes we grew.” That was the moment I understood that grieving children don’t always have the words yet. They have feelings that are far bigger than their vocabulary, and a journal gives those feelings somewhere to go.
If you’re reading this you’re probably trying to help a child through a loss right now. That is such a hard things for a parent or carer to do.
You want to say the right thing, do the right thing and not make it worse. A grief journal won’t make anything right overnight. But it gives a child a private, pressure free place to sort out what they’re feeling at their own pace, in their own way.
Below you’ll find journaling prompts that are broken down by age as well as some hands on activities that are more than writing. Grief in children looks different from grief in adults so if you’d also like to understand what they’re going through I’d start with our guide to supporting someone who’s grieving and the professional advice in our expert grief support roundup.
Why a Grief Journal Helps a Grieving Child
Children feel loss just as deeply as adults do. The only difference is they tend to process it in bursts.
One minute they’re sobbing the next they’re asking for a snack and heading off to play. If you see that don’t be worried – it’s normal. It’s how young minds protect themselves from being overwhelmed.
The trouble is that a lot of what a grieving child feels they never verbalize. Which is where a journal can help.
When a child draws a picture or finishes a sentence about their sadness they’re taking something huge that may be caught up inside of them and putting it down on a page where it can feel easier to express. Therapists call this externalizing. But it’s just getting it out really.
Childhood bereavement is far more common than most people realize. Research from Judi’s House and its Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model suggests roughly 1 in 12 children in the US will lose a parent or sibling before they turn 18.
That’s around two children in the average classroom. A grieving child is rarely as alone as they feel and giving them a way to process the loss early on can make a big difference in how they deal and cope with it.
A journal also does something a conversation can’t. It doesn’t interrupt you or look shocked or teary. It won’t change the subject because the grown up finds it too painful to talk about.
It just waits for whenever the child is ready. And it lets them revisit the same memory or feeling as many times as they need to.
Before You Start: A Few Ground Rules
A grief journal only works if it feels like somewhere safe and not another piece of homework. Before you give it o a child it’s worth keeping a few things in mind.
- There is no right or wrong way to do it. A one word answer or drawings, lists etc. It all counts
- Never force it. If your child isn’t in the mood shut the book and try again another day. Pressure and grief are a bad mix
- Drawing is writing. For younger children especially a picture says as much as a paragraph would
- Let them lead. Some kids want to write every day, some want to write once and never again. Don’t force anything
- Keep it private unless they choose to share. A journal they know you’ll look at isn’t really theirs
- Sit with them if they want company. You don’t have to talk. Just being there is enough
One more thing – match the prompts to the child not exact age on paper. A sensitive nine year old might need the drawing prompts and a switched on seven year old might want the reflective ones.
You know them best. Use the age groups below as a starting point rather than a rule.
Grief Journal Prompts for Younger Children (Ages 4 to 7)
At this age most children can’t yet write much and their understanding of death is still forming. So keep the prompts simple and featuring a lot of drawing. You can read the prompt out to them and let them answer by drawing or scribe their words for them underneath their picture.
- Draw a happy memory of the person who died
- Draw the person who died doing something they loved
- What color is your feeling today? Color the whole page in that color
- Draw a big heart and fill it with things that person taught you
- Draw something that makes you feel better when you’re sad
- If you could send them a picture, what would you draw for them?
- Draw your family. Who is in it now?
- Draw the place you feel safest
- What did they smell like, sound like, or feel like to hug? Draw it
- Draw a happy face, a sad face and a mad face. Circle the one that’s most like you today
Grief Journal Prompts for Older Children (Ages 8 to 12)
By now children can usually write a sentence or two and are starting to understand that death is permanent. That understanding brings bigger questions and more complicated feelings. Sentence starters work well here because they give some structure without asking a child to have to start themselves.
- The thing I miss most about you is…
- Something I never got to say to you is…
- When I think about you I feel…
- My favorite memory of us together is…
- The hardest part of my day is…
- Something that reminds me of you is…
- Three words that describe you are…
- If I could ask you one question it would be…
- When I feel sad about you, the thing that helps is…
- I wish people understood that…
- A tradition or thing we did together that I want to keep doing is…
- Today I felt _____ because…
Grief Journal Prompts for Teens
Teenagers grieve while also going through all the usual teen pressures like identity, friendships, hormones and the need to seem okay in front of their peers. Their grief can come out as anger, withdrawal or a flat “I’m fine” that hides a lot underneath. Reflective prompts are good because it shows that they’re capable of deeper thought and give them space to be honest in a way they might not be out loud.
- What do you wish people would stop saying to you right now?
- How has losing them changed the way you see things?
- Write about a moment you felt them close, even after they were gone
- What are you carrying that you haven’t told anyone?
- Grief can bring up guilt. Is there anything you feel guilty about? Write it down and be gentle with yourself
- Who are you now compared to before this happened?
- What would they want for you? What would they tell you if they were here?
- Write a letter to them about what’s been happening in your life
- What do you want to remember about them forever, and how will you make sure you do?
- Some days grief feels loud and some days it’s quiet. What does it feel like today?
- What helps, even a little? What makes it worse?
Feelings Focused Prompts for Any Age
Grief is never just sadness. It’s a mix of anger, fear, relief, guilt, confusion and love all at once and children often don’t have the words to tell those feelings apart. These prompts help them put name to what they’re feeling which is the first step to managing it.
- Grief has lots of feelings inside it. Which ones have you felt this week? Sad, angry, scared, worried, guilty, numb, even okay sometimes
- Where do you feel your grief in your body? A tight tummy? A lump in your throat? Draw or describe it
- What are you most worried about right now?
- It’s okay to feel angry. What, or who, are you angry at? There’s no wrong answer
- What does a good day feel like? What does a hard day feel like?
- Sometimes we feel happy and then feel bad for feeling happy. Has that happened to you?
- Finish this: My feelings are like the weather today because…
Memory Keeping Prompts
One of the biggest fears a grieving child has is forgetting. Memory keeping prompts make the journal a keepsake they can hold onto and see loss as love and remembrance rather than only around pain. If your child responds to these our collections of poems about grief and in loving memory quotes can give them extra words to borrow when they’re struggling with their own.
- Write down five things you never want to forget about them
- What’s a story about them that always makes you smile?
- What did they always say? Write their favorite sayings here
- What song, food, place or smell will always remind you of them?
- What did they teach you that you’ll carry for the rest of your life?
- Design a page all about them, like a mini scrapbook. Add drawings, photos, anything
- Write a thank-you note to them for something they gave you or taught you
- What would you want other people to know about how special they were?
Other Journaling Activities
Some children take one look at a page and freeze. That doesn’t mean journaling won’t work for them but you may have to make the writing part less front and center. These activities all work inside a grief journal and give kids other ways in. Many of them double up as printable pages if you’d rather set the journal up in advance.
The Feelings Weather Report
Set aside a page where your child draws the “weather” of their day. Sunshine for a good day, storm clouds for a rough one, a bit of both when it’s mixed. It’s a quick way for younger children to think about their emotions and over time it shows them that the storms really do pass.
A Color Key for Emotions
Ask your child to pick a color for each big feeling. Blue for sad, red for angry, yellow for happy, gray for numb etc. Then let them color a page or a simple outline of a body to show how much of each feeling they have. It makes emotions that are usually invisible become something they can see.
The Memory Jar Page
Draw a big empty jar on a page and fill it, over days and weeks, with tiny written or drawn memories. Every time your child thinks of something they loved they add it to the jar. Watching it fill up is a reminder that the love and the memories aren’t going anywhere.
A Letter to Them
Writing a letter to the person who died is one of the most powerful grief activities there is, especially for children who never got to say goodbye. There are no rules to it. They can tell them about their day, ask them a question, say the thing they wish they’d said. They can keep it private or read it aloud to you. Some families like to put these letters somewhere special afterward.
The Worry Box
Decorate an envelope or draw a box on a page. When a worry gets too big your child writes or draws it and “posts” it into the box. The idea is simple. Once the worry is out of their head it often loosens some of its power. You can open the box together now and then to talk any worries through.
Hand on Heart
Have your child trace around their hand on a page and, on each finger, write one thing that helps them feel better or one person they can go to when grief feels heavy. It’s a small map of their support system that they can go back to on the hardest days.
The Gratitude Page
On tougher days a prompt to notice one small good thing can help balance things out. This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine but reminding a grieving child that good moments are still allowed to exist with the sad ones.
Sample Journal Pages
If you’re not sure what a finished page might look like below are a few examples you could copy straight into a notebook. Read them aloud, write the prompt at the top and leave plenty of space for drawing. These were written by us so feel free to use them however helps.
My Happy Memory
Today I’m going to remember a happy time.
Draw a picture of it here, then finish the sentences below.
The happy memory I chose is ______
It makes me smile because ______
When I remember it, I feel ______
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Letter to You
Dear ______,
There’s so much I want to tell you.
Today I want to say ______
The thing I miss the most is ______
Something that made me think of you was ______
Love, ______
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How I Feel Today
My feeling today is like the weather because ______
I feel it in my body here (draw or circle where) ______
One thing that would help me today is ______
One person I can talk to is ______
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How to Support Your Child While They Journal
The journal itself is only half of it. What matters just as much is the grown-up sitting nearby. Here’s how to be that steady presence without taking over.
- Never correct spelling, grammar or the “wrong” feeling. This is the one place accuracy doesn’t matter at all
- Model your own grief. It’s okay for your child to see you sad. It shows them that grief is normal and that big feelings are safe to have
- Ask open questions if they want to talk. “Tell me about your drawing” opens far more doors than “Are you okay?”
- Follow their pace, not yours. If they want to stop after one line, let them stop after one line
- Resist fixing it. You can’t take the loss away, and trying to cheer them up too fast can leave them feeling unheard. Sometimes just sitting with the sadness together is the most healing thing of all
If you’re finding it hard to know what to say around your child’s grief you’re in good company. It’s one of the most common questions and our guides on what to say to someone who’s grieving and what not to say apply just as much to children as to adults.
When to Seek Extra Help
A grief journal is a great tool but it’s a companion to support, not a replacement for it. Most children go through grief in their own way and come out the other side with love and patience around them. Some though need more help than a notebook can give.
It’s worth reaching out to a professional if, over an extended period, your child is showing signs like persistent trouble sleeping or eating, ongoing anger or aggression, withdrawing from friends and things they used to love, slipping badly at school, seeming stuck and unable to move at all or saying things that worry you about their own safety. Trust your gut. You know your child and if something feels off it’s always worth a conversation.
A good place to start is your child’s school counselor, your family doctor, or a dedicated childhood bereavement organization. In the US, The Dougy Center (the National Center for Grieving Children and Families) offers free resources and support group directories, and Sesame Workshop has free grief resources specifically for younger children.
Frequently Asked Questions
What age can a child start a grief journal?
There’s no minimum age. Children as young as three or four can journal through drawing and having a grown up write their words down for them. The format changes as they grow, switching from pictures to sentence starters to freer reflective writing. It’s less about age and more about meeting the child where they are.
What if my child won’t write anything?
That’s completely normal and not a sign the journal isn’t working. Offer drawing prompts, coloring, stickers or the activities above instead. You can also try journaling out loud together where they talk and you scribe. And it’s fine to put the notebook away and try again in a few weeks.
Should I read my child’s grief journal?
Only if they invite you to. A journal a child knows will be read isn’t a really private space and privacy is a big part of what makes it work. Let them know it’s theirs and that they can share any of it with you whenever they want to, then leave the door open and wait to be invited.
What should a kids grief journal include?
A good grief journal is a few things: prompts for feelings, prompts for memories, lots of blank space for free drawing and writing and a few of activities like a memory jar page or a letter to the person who died. Variety matters because it lets the child choose whatever fits their mood that day.
How is a grief journal different from a regular diary?
A diary usually records what happened during the day. A grief journal is about processing loss with prompts and activities that help a child understand and express their feelings about the person who died. The two can overlap and many kids move between the two.
Final Thoughts
You can’t hand a child a notebook and expect their grief to work itself out. That’s not how any of this works, for them or for us.
What a grief journal can do is give a hurting child somewhere to get their feelings out. The sort of things they can’t yet say out loud and give them the message that all of it is allowed.
