Standing up to give a eulogy is hard enough. But if you’re anything like me the very first line is the part that you have the most difficulty with.
I had to help my aunt with the eulogy for my grandmother years ago. She had lots of lovely memories that were perfect for it.
And yet she couldn’t work out how to begin. The middle almost writes itself once you get going but the opening line is the sticking point for so many.
So if you’re not sure on how to start a eulogy you’re in good company. Thankfully there are a a few of tried and tested ways to open a eulogy and once you see them laid out you’ll find one that fits.
Here I’ll go through the best ways to begin, give you lots of ready to use opening lines you can borrow or adapt and full opening examples for different people. I’ll also look at what to do if nerves get the better of you and the shat you should avoid saying.
If you haven’t written the rest of the speech yet it’s worth reading our full guide on how to write a eulogy first, then come back here to get the opening just right. And if you’d rather see complete speeches from start to finish, our eulogy examples cover just about every relationship.
Why the Opening Line Matters So Much
The first thirty seconds of a eulogy do a lot of work. It’s that the settles the room and lets everyone know what sort of eulogy it’s going to be – tender, funny, formal or somewhere in between.
It will settle you too. When you get it right and manage to get that first line out of your mouth you’ll relax. The first part is the hardest of the entire eulogy.
That’s why I always tell people to spend a bit more time on the opening than they might have thought to. It’s a small number of words but it does a big job.
It isn’t like a headline that has to grab strangers. It should be a way to bring a grieving room together.
Before You Write Your First Line
Before you decide on the opening it helps to have three things clear in your head. Sort these out and the right first line will become easier.
Know Who’s in the Room
A eulogy for a room full of close family can be warmer and more informal than one given at a large service with colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances. So think about the faces you’ll be looking at. That tells you how personal you can be from the very first word.
Decide on the Tone
Was this a person best remembered with laughter or is something more reflective going to fit better? Your opening sets that tone so decide it before you write. You can mix warmth and humor later but the first line should be the feeling you want in the room as you begin.
Choose One Thing you Want People to Feel
You can’t say everything in the first line so don’t try. Choose one idea.
Maybe it’s how loved this person was. Maybe it’s how much they made people laugh. It could be how you were grateful that they existed at all.
The Best Ways to Start a Eulogy
LRead through these tips and examples and see which one suits the person you’re honoring. I’ve included a couple of example lines under each so you can hear how they sound out loud.
1. Introduce yourself and your relationship
This is the most common opening for good reason. It’s clear and kind and it helps the people in the room who may not know you.
- For those of you who don’t know me, my name is ______ and I had the enormous good fortune of being ______’s daughter.
- My name is ______. ______ was my brother, my first friend, and the person who taught me how to ride a bike and how to argue and how to forgive.
- I’m ______, and I’m honored to stand here today to say a few words about my friend of thirty years.
2. Open with a short story or memory
Starting with a small and specific moment is one of the most powerful ways to begin. It brings the person to life straightaway before you’ve even explained who you are. It doesn’t have to be long – one sentence is good enough.
- If you ever called my mother at nine on a Sunday morning, you’d have caught her exactly where she loved to be. In the garden, up to her elbows in dirt, radio on, completely happy.
- Dad had a saying for everything. Stub your toe? “Walk it off.” Lose your job? “Walk it off.” I think about that a lot now, and I think he’d tell us the same thing today.
- The first time I met ______ she offered me half her sandwich, told me my shoes were terrible, and became my best friend inside of five minutes.
3. Begin with a quote or line of poetry
A well chosen quote can say something you might struggle to put into your own words. It also gives you a moment before you start speaking personally. Keep it short again and make sure it reflects the person. A line that has nothing to do with them will feel odd and out of place.
- There’s a line I keep coming back to this week: “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.” That was ______ all over. Everything she touched, she made better.
- My grandfather wasn’t a man for big speeches, so I’ll borrow someone else’s words to begin. And then I’ll tell you why they made me think of him.
You could open with a favorite verse of theirs, a line from a song they loved, a few words of scripture if that fits your family. If you’d like some more options our funeral poems is a good place to find something that fits.
4. Start with one vivid characteristic
Sometimes the strongest opening is just a sentence about who the person was. Something that’s get to the heart of them.
- My mother was the most stubborn woman I have ever met, and I mean that as the highest compliment I know how to give.
- Grandpa believed there was no problem in the world that a cup of coffee and a good sit-down couldn’t improve.
- Sarah loved fiercely. That’s the first thing, the last thing, and the truest thing I can tell you about her.
5. Open with something they always said
If the person had a catchphrase or a favorite piece of advice, maybe a saying the whole family can recite, then using that is a lovely way to bring them into the room. People will often smile before you’ve finished the sentence.
- “It’ll all work out.” That’s what Mom said about everything, and somehow she was almost always right. So today, even now, I can hear her telling me. It’ll all work out.
- Dad used to say that a stranger is just a friend you haven’t annoyed yet. Anyone who met him knows exactly what I mean.
6. Begin by thanking everyone for coming
A gracious welcome is never wrong, especially at a larger or more formal service. It acknowledges the room and works well when you plan to introduce yourself straight afterward.
- On behalf of the whole family, thank you for being here today. It would have meant the world to ______ to see so many people who loved him gathered in one place.
- Thank you all for coming. Looking around this room at every person ______ touched, I don’t think she’d believe it. Though we all know she’d have plenty to say about it.
7. Use humor, if it fits
If the person was funny, or if humor is how your family copes then a light opening can work. It gives everyone permission to smile and breaks the tension in the room. The trick is to laugh with the person, never at the situation.
- ______ asked me years ago to give this eulogy. Her exact words were, “and keep it short, nobody wants to be here all day.” So, Mom, I’ll do my best.
- I promised Grandpa I wouldn’t get emotional up here. That’s the first promise I’ve already broken, and he’d find that hilarious.
8. Simply acknowledge the loss honestly
Some days there’s no clever opening and there shouldn’t be. An honest acknowledgment of the grief in the room can be the best way to begin, particularly after a sudden or very painful loss.
- There are no words big enough for what we’ve lost. But ______ deserves words, so I’m going to try.
- None of us wanted to be here today. But every single one of us is here because of how much we loved him, and that says everything.
Ready to Use Eulogy Opening Lines
Sometimes you just want a first line you can use or slightly change without much hassle. Below are lots of opening lines you can use this way. Change the names and details so they’re right for your situation and read them aloud to see how it sounds.
- My name is ______ and I am so proud to be ______’s ______.
- I’ve been trying to find the right words all week. The truth is, there aren’t enough of them for someone like ______.
- Thank you for being here today to celebrate a life that touched every one of us.
- I want to tell you about the ______ I knew. Not the facts and the dates, but the person.
- If I could ask ______ one more question, it would be how on earth I’m supposed to do this without her.
- ______ would have hated a fuss. So I’ll keep this simple, the way she liked things.
- We are not here to say goodbye. We’re here to say thank you.
- Some people pass through your life. ______ built a home in mine.
- I could stand up here for hours and still not do him justice. But I promised to try, so here goes.
- For the last few days I’ve been remembering, and every single memory of ______ makes me smile before it makes me cry.
- How do you sum up a whole life in a few minutes? You don’t. You just pick the parts that made you love them most.
- ______ taught me almost everything I know about being a good person. Everything I got wrong, I promise, is on me.
- The world got a little quieter when ______ left it. But it’s a far better place for having had him in it.
- I’m not going to pretend today is easy. But standing here, surrounded by everyone who loved her, is the greatest honor of my life.
Full Eulogy Opening Examples for Different People
It’s one thing to see opening lines in isolation and another to hear how a real opening flows. Below are complete openings, the first few sentences you might say, for some of the people you’re most likely to be speaking about. Use them as a starting point.
Once you’ve got your opening you’ll want the rest of the speech. Each example links through to a full set of eulogies for that person.
How to start a eulogy for a mother
For more, see our full collection of eulogy examples for a mother.
********************************
How to start a eulogy for a father
You’ll find more openings and complete speeches in our eulogy examples for a father.
********************************
How to start a eulogy for a husband or wife
See more in our eulogy examples for a wife and eulogy examples for a husband.
********************************
How to start a eulogy for a best friend
For more, browse our eulogy examples for a best friend.
********************************
How to start a eulogy for a grandparent
There’s more in our eulogy examples for a grandmother and eulogy examples for a grandfather.
Short Openings vs Longer Openings
How long your opening should be depends on how long the whole eulogy is.
If you’re giving a short tribute of a minute or two it’s best to get to the heart of it fast. One line to say who you are then straight into the person.
There’s no time for a slow build and a short, warm eulogy is often the most moving kind. Our short eulogy examples show how much you can say in very few words.
If you have longer, say five minutes or more, you can afford a slower build up. You might thank people for coming, introduce yourself, share a small memory and only then move into the main body of the eulogy. Just don’t let the opening go on too long and start to ramble. Even in a long eulogy the first thirty seconds should feel tight.
Either way the rule is the same. Say who you are or set the scene then point everyone toward the person.
How to Start When You’re Nervous or Emotional
Almost everyone is frightened of breaking down at the start. There are a few things that can help:
- Write your first line down and read it. Nobody expects you to speak a eulogy from memory. Having that opening sentence printed in front of you, in big clear text, will take a big weight off.
- Memorize just the opening. If you can get the first line or two by heart you can lift your eyes, look at the room and deliver it. Once it’s done and out the nerves usually settle down.
- Start with a breath, not a word. Walk up, put your notes down, take one slow breath before you begin. That pause will probably feel like a lifetime to you. But to everyone else it looks calm and deliberate.
- Pick an easier opening. If you know a funny or emotional line will set you off don’t start with it. Start with something like thanking people for coming and save the tender moments for a little further in once you’ve found your feet.
- Give yourself permission to pause. If your voice cracks, stop. Take a breath, maybe have a sip of water. The room is with you and won’t be judging you.
If it helps you can ask someone to stand by ready to step in and finish reading if you can’t go on. Just knowing there’s a safety net makes it far easier to begin.
Openings to Avoid
A few things can make an opening not work. Avoid the following.
- Don’t apologize for yourself. Try not to open with “I’m not good at public speaking” or “I don’t really know what to say”. Everyone understands how hard this is. Starting with an apology just puts the focus on your nerves instead of the person you’re honoring.
- Don’t open with a dictionary definition. “The dictionary defines love as…” has been done a thousand times. Start with something real and specific to your person instead.
- Don’t begin with a long list of dates and facts. Where they were born, where they worked, who they married. That belongs in an obituary not the opening of a eulogy. A eulogy is about who they were, not a timeline.
- Don’t try to be a comedian. Some gentle humor is lovely. A lot of jokes is not. If the funny line is more about you getting a laugh than remembering them then it’s best to leave it out.
Final Thoughts
The opening feels important but it doesn’t have to be something you agonize over. No one who’s listening will be watching for mistakes.
They’re grieving alongside you and they love the same person you do.
So choose an opening that feels most like you and most like them and know that the hardest part is already behind you once you’ve begun.
If you’re ready to write the rest of the speech our guide on how to write a eulogy takes you through it step by step and our full selection of eulogy examples has a ones for almost anyone you might be honoring.
