You’ve been invited to a celebration of life and the invitation is a little different from a funeral notice. Celebration of life are held at places like parks, a restaurant, someone’s backyard etc. It might even say “come as you are” or “wear something bright”.
And now you’re wondering what you’re meant to bring.
A celebration of life is usually more relaxed than a traditional funeral. Guests get more involved a lot of the time too.
Families sometimes ask people to bring food, photos or a story to share. Other times they ask for nothing at all.
The most important thing you bring is still yourself. But it helps to know what’s normal so you can turn up feeling ready instead of just guessing.
So here you’ll find the things most guests bring, what to do if the family has asked for something specific and a few tips for outdoor or casual venues. If you’re not sure how this kind of gathering differs from a funeral our guide on celebration of life vs funeral explains it.
The Short Answer
If the invitation doesn’t ask for anything this is enough:
- A card for the family
- A favorite memory or short story in case there’s a time for sharing
- Your phone on silent (and charged if you’d like to take photos where that’s welcome)
- Something for the weather if any of it is held outdoors
If the family has asked for something like a dish for a potluck or a photo for a memory table bring that too. Everything else is up to you.
Read the Invitation First
Celebrations of life vary a lot. One family might hold a catered lunch in a hotel, another a barbecue at the lake. So the invitation, the obituary or the message you got from a friend is your best guide.
Look for wording like:
- “Please bring a dish to share” or “potluck to follow”
- “Bring your favorite photo or memory of [Name]”
- “Open mic” or “time to share stories”
- “In lieu of flowers, donations to…”
- “Wear [Name]’s favorite color” or “wear your team jersey”
- “BYOB” or “lawn chairs welcome”
If something isn’t clear it’s fine to ask a friend of the family or whoever sent the invitation. It’s a lot easier than guessing and no one will care you’ve asked.
Should You Bring a Card?
Yes, a card is always welcome. There’s often a basket or table for cards near the entrance or the guest book. If not just give it to someone that’s helping the family and not one of the closest relatives who will have their hands full.
Because a celebration of life is about the person’s life a card that mentions something you loved about them fits the day well. It doesn’t have to be long.
If you need some help these are some messages you could use:
- What a life [Name] lived. I’m so glad I got to be part of it.
- Celebrating [Name] with you today and missing them with you always.
- [Name] made every gathering better. This one feels very empty without them.
- I’ll never forget [Name]’s laugh. Thinking of you all today.
- Thank you for bringing us together to remember someone so special.
- So many happy memories of [Name]. Sending love to you and the whole family.
- [Name] lived big and loved bigger. I’m so sorry they’re gone.
- Raising a glass to [Name] today and holding you close in my thoughts.
- I feel lucky to have known [Name]. With love and sympathy.
- Today we celebrate [Name], but I know the days ahead will be hard. I’m here for you.
- [Name] was the heart of our neighborhood. We’re thinking of you.
- Working alongside [Name] was a joy. All of us at work are sending our love.
For more wording try our sympathy card messages. Some families also like a short quote in the card and there are lots in our list of celebration of life quotes.
Should You Bring Food or Drinks?
This is where a celebration of life is most different from a funeral. Potluck style get togethers are fairly common especially when the event is held at home, in a park, a community hall etc.
If the invitation asks for a dish then bring one. If it doesn’t mention food, don’t bring any.
The family or venue may have catering arranged and an unexpected tray just becomes something else to find room for.
Tips If You’re Bringing a Dish
- Ask what’s needed: Sometimes one person is organizing the food. A quick message saves the table from ending up with four of the same dish and no dessert.
- Choose something easy to serve: Finger food, sandwiches, cookies and salads work better than anything that needs reheating or carving.
- Think about the weather: If it’s outdoors on a hot day skip anything with mayonnaise or cream that can’t sit out for long.
- Bring it ready to go: Add a serving spoon and a cover so the family doesn’t have to hunt for anything.
- Use a disposable dish: Or put your name on the bottom with tape if you’d like it back.
- Label it: A small card saying what it is helps anyone with allergies.
- Make their favorite: If the person who died loved a particular dish bringing it can be a lovely touch. You could add a little note saying why.
What About Alcohol?
Some celebrations of life include a toast and a few are held at a bar, brewery, winery etc. If the invitation says BYOB,m then bring something to share in a modest amount.
If it doesn’t, don’t bring alcohol. Not every family will want it there and some guests may be in recovery.
Photos and Memorabilia
Many celebrations of life have a memory table, a photo board or a slideshow. Families often ask guests to bring a photo or two especially of times they may not have seen themselves.
If you’re asked to bring photos:
- Bring copies, not originals, in case anything goes missing.
- Write your name and a short note on the back, like the year or where it was taken.
- If the family is putting together a slideshow they may prefer digital photos sent ahead of time. Check before the day.
- Choose happy photos that show the person as they’d want to be remembered.
Other things people sometimes bring for a memory table include a souvenir from a trip you took together, a program from a game you went to or a card the person once wrote you. Only bring something like this if the family has asked and be ready for it to be on display for the afternoon.
A Story or Memory to Share
Sharing stories is a big part of most celebrations of life. There may be an open mic, a time when the host invites people to speak or just lots of conversation over food.
You don’t have to speak if you’d rather not. But it helps to have one memory ready even if you only end up telling it to the person next to you. Families love hearing stories about their person they’ve never heard before.
If you think you might speak a few minutes is enough. Our celebration of life speech examples can help you get it right and what to say at a celebration of life has simple things to say to the family when you arrive.
Memory Card Prompts
Some families put out a memory jar or a stack of cards for guests to fill in. If your mind goes blank these might help. Just finish the sentence:
- The first time I met [Name], ______.
- [Name] always made me laugh when ______.
- One thing [Name] taught me was ______.
- I’ll think of [Name] every time I ______.
- My favorite day with [Name] was ______.
- [Name] was the person who ______ when nobody else did.
- If [Name] were here right now, they’d probably ______.
- Something most people don’t know about [Name] is ______.
Should You Bring Flowers?
Flowers are welcome at most celebrations of life but carrying a big arrangement in yourself usually isn’t the best way to give them. If you’d like to send flowers then have a florist deliver them to the venue before the event. Or just send them to the family’s home in the days after.
A small bunch of flowers is fine if the event is informal and you know the family well. Some families also ask everyone to bring a single flower to lay down together, which can be a lovely moment.
Check the invitation for “in lieu of flowers” first. If the family would rather you donated to a cause our guide to in lieu of flowers etiquette explains what to do.
Should You Bring Money or a Gift?
Money isn’t usually expected at a celebration of life in the US, UK or Canada. If the family has set up a collection for costs or a memorial fund, giving through that is easier for everyone than bringing cash.
In some cultures and communities giving money in an envelope is the custom. If that’s the case then follow the lead of people close to the family.
A gift for the family is also best given another day. They’ll be busy talking to guests and won’t want things to carry home.
A small, thoughtful gift a week or two later often means more anyway once the visitors have stopped coming. You’ll find ideas in our list of sympathy gift ideas.
Practical Things to Bring for Yourself
Celebrations of life are often outdoors or in places that aren’t set up like a funeral home. A few things can make the afternoon more comfortable.
- A light jacket or sweater: Parks and beaches get cool when the sun goes down.
- Sunscreen, sunglasses and a hat: For anything held outside in the daytime.
- Bug spray: If it’s by a lake, in the woods or in the evening.
- A folding chair or blanket: Only if the invitation mentions it but it’s worth asking for an outdoor event.
- Comfortable shoes: Grass, sand and gravel aren’t kind to heels.
- Tissues: A celebration can still be very emotional, even with music and laughter.
- Water: Especially on a warm day.
- The address and any parking details: Private homes and parks can be hard to find.
If you’re not sure about clothes just check the invitation for a dress code. Families may ask for something bright or casual at a celebration of life and dressing for the venue matters more than usual.
If You’re Bringing Children
Celebrations of life tend to be more family friendly than funerals and children are often welcome. Pack a few things to keep them busy like a coloring book or a small toy and some snacks if it might run long.
If the event is outdoors you may find other children there too. Just keep an eye on them near water or roads as the adults around may be distracted.
What Not to Bring
- Food or drink when the invitation doesn’t ask for it
- Alcohol, unless it’s clearly BYOB
- Original photos you can’t bear to lose
- Large gifts or anything the family will need to carry home
- Decorations, balloons or signs, unless you’ve checked with the family first
- Extra guests if the invitation is for you only or the gathering is small and private
- A speech you haven’t mentioned to anyone if speaking time is being planned
If you can’t make it on the day you can still send a card or a photo ahead of time. Our guide on what to say when you can’t attend a funeral has some kind wording you can use.
Tips for the Day
- Arrive a little early, especially if you’re bringing food, so it can go out on time.
- Sign the guest book. Families often read through it later.
- Follow the family’s lead on tone. If they’re laughing and telling stories it’s fine to join in.
- If there’s a time for sharing keep any story short and kind.
- Offer to help clear up at the end especially at a home or park gathering.
- Collect your dish before you leave, or tell someone you’ll pick it up later.
I think people sometimes worry that a celebration of life has rules they don’t know. Mostly it doesn’t. The family just wants the people who loved their person in one place, sharing stories and remembering them well.
So bring what they’ve asked for, bring a memory if you have one and don’t stress about the rest.