A few years ago a close friend of mine lost her husband very suddenly. After I learned what had happened I wanted to do something for her but couldn’t decide what would be best.
Flowers felt wrong. A text want enough. Oddly I had an old shoebox lying around and I started putting things in it.
That box was very simple. It had tea, a soft pair of socks, some snacks she could eat without thinking, a note and a phone charger because hers was always dying. Nothing special at all.
Months later she told me that it was the thing she remembered most from those first weeks.
That what a care package is for. It isn’t going to fix anyone’s grief, obviously.
But it can let them know “I’m here and you don’t have to go through it all on your own right now”.
If you’re trying to figure out what to put in a care package for someone grieving then this guide will help, give you a rundown item by item, along with what to leave out and when to send it.
What to Put in a Care Package for Someone Grieving
The best grief care packages cover a few different needs at once. Some items comfort the body, some help with a chore so the peeps grieving gets a test, some are more about appealing to their heart and so on.
Picking three or four items wrapped up together is going to be enough for someone.
This are what a care package usually includes:
- Food and drink that takes very little effort to eat
- Comfort items for rest and warmth
- Gentle self care that isn’t a “project”
- Practical help with daily tasks
- Something small for the heart or memory
- A handwritten note
Grief is physically exhausting. People forget to eat, sleep and drink water.
The following suggestions are for someone in that state. If you’d like a single item to send instead of a full box our guide to sympathy gift ideas goes over standalone gifts. This is all about building the package yourself.
Food and Drink That Takes No Effort
When you’re grieving cooking is one of the first things you stop doing. In the first week or two there’s often a lot of meals you get from the community.
Then it stops. And a few weeks later you have an empty fridge and don’t have the energy or motivation to get to the store.
Food that requires no decision and no cooking is helpful. Some ideas that work:
- A selection of teas, or coffee
- Snacks they can grab without thinking, like crackers, nuts, dried fruit or granola bars
- Comfort treats such as chocolate or cookies
- A gift card to a meal delivery service or a local restaurant that delivers
- Easy to reheat meals if you’re local and can drop them off
If you do include a homemade meal make it something they only have to reheat and use a container they don’t have to return. This means one less thing for them to wash and they won’t feel like they owe you anything.
Broadway Basketeers Sympathy Gift Basket with Assorted Food Snacks
Comfort Items for Rest and Warmth
Grief also upsets sleep and it often makes people feel cold. Soft, warm, physical comfort is appreciated.
These items people will use late at night when the house is quiet.
- A soft blanket or throw
- Cozy socks or slippers
- A comfortable pair of pajamas or a soft sweater
- An eye mask for sleeping during the day
- A warm hot water bottle or a microwavable heat pack
You’re trying to make the quiet hours a little less difficult.
Gentle Self Care
Self care can feel like just another hard task for someone grieving. So keep these simple and low effort. Avoid anything that needs a routine or energy they don’t have.
- A calming candle in a soft scent
- Hand cream or lotion
- Lip balm, because crying and stress affect the skin
- A gift card for a massage, a manicure or a haircut
- Bath salts or a shower steamer
- Tea and a mug to drink it from
Keep scents gentle. Grief makes the senses heightened and a strong perfume or candle can be too much. When in doubt go for something unscented or very mild.
Sympathy Gift Baskets for Loss of Loved One, Bereavement Care Package
Practical Help With the Daily Stuff
Practical items are often the ones that get used every day and remembered. These items are helpful because they are often unexpected.
- A pack of soft tissues
- Paper plates and disposable cutlery so there’s no washing up
- Stamps, if they have thank you notes to write
- A phone charger or a spare cable
- Basic toiletries and travel size essentials especially if they’ve had to travel
- A gift card for groceries or gas
- An offer, written on the note, to handle one specific task like walking the dog or picking up the kids
Specific offers are the most useful. Something like – “Let me know if you need anything” gives them work to do and think up what to ask for.
But “I’m free Tuesday and Thursday to drive the kids” is help that they will be happy to accept. If you want more ideas, our guide on how to support someone who’s grieving goes into this side of things.
Something for the Heart or Memory
A small thing that honors the person who died or that gives the griever somewhere for their feelings can be comforting.
Look to them for what that would be. For some people a memorial item is a treasure and for others it’s too much too soon, so keep these optional.
- A blank journal for writing down memories or letters
- A framed photo, if you have one of them together
- A memorial candle
- A short, gentle grief book
- A small keepsake like a remembrance ornament or a seed packet
- A comforting quote card
If the person leaned on their then faith a card with a favorite verse can mean a great deal. We have a collection of comforting Bible verses you can use. And if you’re not sure what tone to strike our post on what to say to someone who is grieving can help you find the right words.
A Handwritten Note
Out of everything in the box the note is often the thing that gets kept. But what you write in it doesn’t need to be long or poetic. Just A few lines are helpful.
If you’re not sure what to say then below are a couple of short examples you can use or adapt:
I don’t have the right words, and I’m not going to pretend I do. I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you, and I’m here. There’s nothing in this box you have to do anything with. It’s just a little comfort for the hard days.
******************
I’ve been thinking about you so much. I know this box won’t change anything, but I hope it makes one small moment a little softer. No need to reply. I’ll check in again soon, and I mean that.
******************
Notice that both of these take the pressure off replying. If you’d like more help with the wording our guide on what to write in a sympathy card has many more examples and you can find shorter lines in our sympathy card messages collection.
Grief Care Package Ideas by Situation
Grief is universal but it doesn’t look the same for every person. A care package for a young widow looks different from one for a coworker or someone who lost a pet.
You don’t have to overthink it but tailoring even one or two items to the specific loss shows thought.
Loss of a Spouse or Partner
The nights and the empty side of the bed are often the hardest part. So choose comfort items, easy food and practical help with things their partner used to handle. Our guide to sympathy gifts for the loss of a husband has more ideas for this specific type of loss.
Loss of a Parent
For an adult grieving a parent it’s a good idea to go for memory focused items, like a journal or a framed photo, alongside the everyday comforts. If you’re also searching for words see what to say to someone who lost a parent.
Loss of a Pet
Pet loss is real grief and deserves to be treated that way. A care package here might include a candle, a small keepsake and something soft, plus a note that takes the loss seriously. We have a whole guide to pet loss gift ideas if that’s the situation you’re facing.
A Coworker or Someone You Don’t Know Well
When you’re not close try to keep it neutral. Things like tea, a candle, some nice snacks and a simple card are perfect. You don’t need to get personal with it. If you’re unsure about the etiquette of gifting when you’re not family our post on sympathy gift etiquette covers how much to spend and when it’s appropriate.
What to Avoid Putting in a Grief Care Package
Just as important as what to include is what to leave out. Good intentions can still end up with mistakes and a few choices can add pressure instead of easing it.
This is what’s best go avoid:
- Anything that needs a big effort. Elaborate gift baskets that need assembling or crafts they have to do become one more task.
- Strong scents. Overpowering candles or perfumes can be too much for heightened senses.
- Toxic positivity gifts. Mugs or signs that say “good vibes only” or “everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive of real pain. Our guide on what not to say to someone grieving explains why these phrases hurt people.
- Anything that demands a reply. Skip items that come with a “let me know what you think” expectation.
- Perishable food with no plan. A fruit basket that rots on the counter because they couldn’t face it isn’t good.
- Alcohol, unless you know them well. It’s a common instinct and a risky one during a raw and vulnerable time.
If an item asks the grieving person for energy, to make a decision or have to respond then it probably belongs somewhere else.
How to Assemble and Present the Care Package
You don’t need to be crafty and or look like it came from a boutique. What is most important is the thought, not the ribbon. Still, a little care in the presentation makes it nicer.
A simple approach:
- Start with a container they can reuse or that can just be recycled, like a nice box, a basket or even a reusable tote
- Add a little tissue paper or a tea towel at the bottom so it doesn’t look like it’s just thrown together
- Layer the softer, larger items first, then put the smaller things around them
- Put the note on top where they’ll see it first
- If you’re mailing it wrap anything breakable and choose items that travel well
If you’re sending from a distance and can’t assemble it yourself lots of companies put together ready made grief boxes. A store bought box with a personal, handwritten note added is every bit as meaningful as a homemade one.
For more inspiration on standout items our unique sympathy gift ideas can help you find something a little different.
When to Send a Grief Care Package
The first week after a loss there is usually a lot of support. Cards arrive, flowers and food shows up on the doorstep. Then after a few weeks that slows up and stops. The world moves on but the griever does not.
A couple of weeks to a couple of months after the funeral is often the loneliest and the best time for a care package to arrive. It tells them they haven’t been forgotten now that everyone else has gone back to normal.
That said, there’s no wrong time. If your instinct is to send something right away, do it.
If weeks have passed and you feel like you’ve missed the window, you haven’t. A box that arrives on a random Tuesday months later, when the missing has settled, can be just what someone needs.
Sending it late is far better than not sending it at all. Our post on sympathy gift etiquette has more on timing if you’re worried about getting it right.
Grief Care Package Checklist
If you want to choose a few items quickly you can use this checklist. Pick one or two things from each category to create a balanced box.
- Food and drink: tea or coffee, easy snacks, a comfort treat, a meal delivery gift card
- Comfort: a soft blanket, cozy socks, an eye mask
- Self care: a mild candle, hand cream, lip balm, bath salts
- Practical: good tissues, paper plates, a grocery gift card, an offer of specific help
- Heart: a journal, a small keepsake, a gentle grief book or a photo
- Always: a handwritten note that asks nothing in return
A box that includes half of these items is thoughtful and complete.
Should You Build Your Own or Buy a Ready Made Box?
Both options are good. Your choice depends on your schedule and your location.
Building your own box lets you choose specific items for the person. This usually costs less money.
A ready made grief box saves time because the company packages and ships the gift to the person’s house. Which is helpful if you live far away or have a busy schedule.
The most important part of either choice is the same. You should write a note by hand. This note creates a human connection. A company cannot provide this personal element for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What do you put in a care package for someone grieving?
A grief care package typically contains simple food and drinks. It also includes comfort items like blankets or socks and self-care products like candles or hand cream. You can add practical items like tissues or grocery gift cards. You should always include a handwritten note. You do not need to include every category. A few items together are effective.
What should you not put in a grief care package?
Do not include items that require effort or energy. Avoid crafts that need assembly and candles with strong scents. Do not send gifts with slogans like “good vibes only” or food that will spoil quickly. Avoid any gift that requires the person to send a reply.
When is the best time to send a care package to someone grieving?
People receive a lot of support during the first week after a loss. This support often decreases after two or three weeks. A care package is helpful when it arrives during the quiet period a few weeks or months later. You can send a package at any time. Sending a gift late is better than failing to send one.
How much should you spend on a grief care package?
There is no required price for a care package. The items are more important than the cost. A simple box with a few comforts is meaningful. You should spend an amount that fits your budget and your relationship with the person. You can read our guide to sympathy gift etiquette for more details.
Is a care package better than flowers for someone grieving?
These gifts serve different purposes. Flowers are a traditional gesture, but they eventually die. A care package contains practical items that the person can use for several weeks. Some people send both. Others choose a care package because the items last longer than a bouquet.
Final Thoughts
People are going to remember that you noticed their pain and reached out to them. It won’t be how perfect the box was. They’ll just appreciate that you are supporting them.
So get a few items together and write a note by hand and send them the package. You can be confident it will be received with warmth.
