It can be hard to prepare you for getting the ashes of a loved one. There’s a lot of emotions and mixed feelings, but a lot of people are surprised that they Strat to think – what do I do now?
You have your loved one’s ashes in your hands and you have to make a decision about what to do with them. Its a decision you never asked for and never wanted.
I had a friend whose mum had been cremated. The urn sat on her mantelpiece for the best part of a year.
Every time I visited her she’d look at it and say “I still don’t know what to do with her”. It wasn’t her being neglectful, she was just frozen the way so many of us are. That final choice is a big deal and she was terrified of getting it wrong.
Cremation has become the norm rather than the exception – the National Funeral Directors Association projects the US cremation rate reached 63.4% in 2025, more than double the burial rate. That means millions of families are facing this question.
So these ideas will hopefully help you to find what works for you.
There’s No Rush and No Wrong Choice
Whatever happens remember you don’t have to decide today. You don’t have to decide this month.
Ashes keep perfectly well in their container for as long as you need and lots of families leave them stored while the they wait for some of the early grief to lift and they can think a little more clearly.
My friend with the urn on the mantel got there in the end. When she finally decided it was because she’d stopped panicking and started remembering who her mum really was.
The “right” choice for you won’t be the most creative one or the one someone else did. It’s the one that fits the person you lost and brings you a little peace.
It also helps to include people who knew them well. When we’re grieving we try to do everything alone but a sibling, a child or a close friend may have strong feelings about this.
Hearing what they think can take some of the pressure off you. Sometimes the decision even makes itself once everyone’s in the room together.
Keeping the Ashes Close to Home
For a lot of people the thought of letting go entirely is too much, at least for now. And that’s completely understandable. Keeping your loved one near you is what a lot of families do and there are lots of options that aren’t just a plain urn on your shelf (although there’s nothing wrong with that).
A Classic Urn
The traditional urn is simple, dignified and it gives your loved one a settled place in your home. It’s such a classic and used so often for good reason.
What shocks people is just how varied urns have become. You can find them in carved wood, hand blown glass, ceramic, brass, even biodegradable materials if you think you might scatter or bury later.
Some are beautiful enough that visitors would never guess what they hold. Others are more understated. But you can find whatever suits the person and your home.
Memorial Jewelry
This is one of the loveliest options and also one of the most reassuring for people who worry about being far from where the ashes rest. A tiny amount of ashes can be sealed into a pendant, a ring, a locket or a bracelet so you carry your loved one with you wherever you go.
Many families choose to have something engraved on the piece too – a name, a date, maybe a short line that reflects the person. If you’re looking for the right few words our collection of in loving memory quotes has phrases that work really well for engraving.
Cremation Glass and Keepsake Art
Skilled glass artists can blend a small portion of ashes into hand blown glass, creating paperweights, ornaments, sun catchers or sculptures shot through with swirls of color. Each one is completely unique because no two pieces of glass form the same way.
For someone who loved light, color or the sea, a piece of cremation glass on a sunny windowsill can be lovely and very comforting.
Sharing the Ashes Among Family
You may not be aware but you can divide the ashes. If several family members each want somewhere to grieve then making small keepsake urns or pieces of jewelry let everyone keep a portion.
It’s more common than you’d think – the NFDA’s 2025 research found more than one in ten people would want their remains split among loved ones.
This can be especially healing when family is spread across the country or when siblings each want to honor a parent in their own way. One might scatter their share and another might keep theirs at home.
There’s nothing that says the ashes all have to stay together.
Returning Them to Nature
If your loved one felt most themselves outdoors – in a garden, on a coast path, under big open skies etc. – then giving them back to nature can feel right.
There’s growing evidence of more people doing this. Over 60% of people now say they’d consider a green or natural option and it shows in how many earth-friendly choices have appeared in recent years.
Scattering in a Meaningful Place
Scattering is the option most people picture first and there’s a reason its still so popular. Releasing the ashes somewhere the person loved – a hilltop they walked, a beach they returned to every summer, the garden they tended – can just feel right. It’s like giving them back to the place that they already wanted to be.
If you’re planning to scatter you may want a few words to say as you do it. That moment can be difficult and having something prepared helps.
We’ve got a full guide on what to say when scattering ashes with readings and short blessings you can use or change to fit your circumstances.
Growing a Memorial Tree
Biodegradable urns are designed with two chambers – a seed or young sapling above and the ashes below – so that as the roots grow down your loved one quite literally helps a tree take shape.
Over the years you get something living to visit, to sit under, to watch change with the seasons. For anyone who loved the natural world it’s hard to think of a more fitting tribute.
A Scattering Garden or Home Garden
You don’t have to travel far. Lots of families bury or scatter a portion of ashes in their own garden then mark the spot with a rose bush, a favorite plant or a small stone.
It becomes a private place to sit with a cup of tea and feel close to them. Some cemeteries also offer dedicated scattering gardens – beautifully kept spaces set aside for exactly this – if you’d rather it wasn’t at your home.
At Sea or on the Water
For sailors, surfers, fishermen or anyone who simply felt free near water a scattering at sea can be the perfect send off. You can charter a boat or many families do it from a shoreline that meant something.
There are water soluble urns made to float and then sink which some people find far more peaceful than scattering loose ashes in the wind.
A Living Reef
This is a newer idea. Specialist companies mix cremated remains into an environmentally safe concrete that’s formed into an artificial reef and put on the seabed where it becomes a home for marine life.
For an ocean lover or someone who cared about the environment the thought of becoming part of a living, growing reef can be very beautiful.
Choosing a Permanent Resting Place
Some families want the opposite of scattering. They want a fixed spot – somewhere with a name on it, that they can on birthdays and anniversaries and simply know their loved one is there.
Burying the Urn
An urn can be buried in a cemetery plot, in a family grave alongside someone who went before or in a small space often called an urn garden. It costs far less than a full burial and gives you that permanent place you can visit.
Most cemeteries welcome cremated remains though it’s worth asking whether they require an outer container, as many do.
A Columbarium Niche
A columbarium is a structure built with small recessed spaces, called niches, each designed to hold an urn. Many are indoors, sheltered from the weather, with a plaque naming the person.
If you’d like to add a few words to a plaque or marker our examples of memorial plaque wording can help you find the words that feel right.
Creative and Unusual Ideas
Not every send off has to be quiet and traditional. Some of the people we lose were anything but and there are options out there bold enough to match a big personality.
A Cremation Diamond
The carbon in cremated remains can be turned, through heat and pressure, into a real lab grown diamond that can then be set into a ring or pendant. It only takes a small amount of ashes so you’re free to use the rest another way.
These aren’t cheap – prices can get into the thousands(!) – but for some families, a stone they can wear forever is worth every penny.
Pressed Into a Vinyl Record
There are some companies that can press a small amount of ashes into a playable vinyl record. You choose what goes on it – a favorite song, a recording of their voice, a message, even the sound of a room they loved.
For a music lover the idea of your loved one being part of a record you can actually play is perfect.
A Memorial Tattoo
Some tattoo artists will mix a tiny, treated portion of ashes into the ink used for a memorial tattoo so your loved one becomes part of a design you carry on your skin. It’s not for everyone and it’s worth finding a specialist studio that does it safely but for the right person it’s about as close and permanent as memorial choices get.
Fireworks
For someone who lit up every room ashes can be incorporated into a fireworks display and sent up in a burst of color and light. It turns the goodbye into something joyful, even celebratory – a final show that has everyone looking up and smiling.
Sent Into Space
Yes, really. Specialist services can send a small portion of ashes either to the edge of the atmosphere by high altitude balloon or, for a much bigger price, into orbit.
You Don’t Have to Pick Just One
Almost none of these choices are all or nothing. Because ashes can be divided you can use more than one idea and honor different sides of the same person.
You might keep a small portion in a piece of jewelry, scatter some at the beach they loved and bury the rest beneath a memorial tree. One family I know split a father’s ashes three ways so each of his children could grieve in their own way then kept a final portion for a scattering they did all together on the anniversary of his passing.
Practical Things Worth Knowing
- Check the rules before you scatter. Scattering on your own property is generally fine but public land, parks, beaches and waterways often have their own regulations and some places need permission. A quick check with the local authority or landowner will save you an awkward moment or a fine.
- Scattering can’t be undone. Once ashes are scattered they’re gone. If there’s any chance you’ll want a keepsake later make sure you hold a little back before you scatter. Nobody ever regrets keeping a small portion. Plenty of people wish they had.
- Talk to the family first. A decision this permanent is far made together. It also heads off the hurt that can come up when one relative feels a choice was made without them.
- Waiting is allowed. If you’re not ready you can store the ashes and come back to it when you do feel up to it.
Making It Meaningful
You don’t need a big formal event – a handful of people and a few words and something to mark the occasion is often more moving than anything that’s overly elaborate.
Lots of families choose to read something aloud. A short poem or a passage that was right for the person, even a few lines you wrote yourself can turn a scattering or burial into a special goodbye.
If you’d like some starting points our collection of funeral poems has readings for all kinds of relationships.
The ceremony doesn’t have to happen straight away either. Some families scatter or keep the ashes for months later, on a birthday or an anniversary, when everyone can gather.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long can you keep ashes before deciding what to do?
As long as you need. Ashes keep indefinitely in a sealed urn or container and there’s no legal or practical deadline for making a decision. Many families store them for months or even years until they make a choice for what to do.
Is it legal to scatter ashes anywhere?
Not quite anywhere. Scattering on your own land is fine but public spaces, parks, beaches and waterways often have rules and some will require permission from the local authority or landowner. Check before you go ahead so you don’t make a mistake.
Can ashes be divided among family members?
Yes. Ashes can be split into smaller portions so that relatives each keep a share whether that’s in keepsake urns, jewelry or their own chosen tribute. It’s a common option especially when the family is spread out or when everyone wants their own way to grieve.
Is it okay to keep ashes at home permanently?
Absolutely. Keeping a loved one’s ashes at home in an urn or keepsake is one of the most common choices there is. Whatever brings you comfort is the right call.
Final Thoughts
If you’re still not sure what to do don’t worry. This is one of the most personal decisions you can make and there’s a reason so many urns sit on mantelpieces for a good long while.
When the answer does come, and it will, you’ll likely know it because it feels right – yes, that’s them, that’s exactly right. Until then just keep them close and remember that you don’t have a deadline to meet.
