After a funeral when everything has quietened down it’s not uncommon to be left with lots of sympathy cards you don’t quite know what to do with.
I remember it after losing my husband. The cards kept coming for weeks and every one of them meant something. But the pile got bigger and bigger and I couldn’t bring myself to throw them out and couldn’t figure out how to keep either.
There’s no correct thing to do with sympathy cards, only the thing that feels right for you and works with the space and energy you have. Below are lots of options from displaying and keeping them to turning them into something lasting and what to do with the ones you’re ready to let go.
What to Do With Sympathy Cards: Start Here
Before you decide anything, remember that you can taken as long as you like to decide. You don’t have any deadline on this. The cards are not going anywhere and when you’re grieving it can make even small decisions feel huge.
When I was going through grief the last thing I needed was one more thing to do. So if all you can manage today is to get the cards into one place that’s fine. You can come back to them next week, next month or next year.
That said most people eventually choose on one of a few of paths:
- Display them for a while as a source of comfort
- Keep and store them safely as they are
- Turn them into a keepsake like a memory book or shadow box
- Digitize them so you keep the words without having the clutter
- Give some to family and let others go
You don’t have to pick just one. I displayed mine then kept my favorites and photographed the rest.
Do You Need to Reply to Them First?
The short answer is that a reply is a kind gesture but not an obligation and definitely not something you have to rush to do.
For close friends and relatives and for anyone who included a gift, flowers or a donation a brief handwritten thank you is a lovely thing to send when you feel able. It can be as simple as a line or two.
If you’d like help with the wording we have examples in our guide on thank you messages for sympathy cards and there’s more on the etiquette side in our sympathy card etiquette post.
Once you’ve decided how you’re handling the replies you can move on to the cards without that question hanging over you.
Ways to Display Sympathy Cards
Displaying sympathy cards used to be considered slightly improper in some circles. It was thought that grief should be private.
That thinking has changed quite a bit though. These days most people see a display of cards for what it is – a reminder that your loved one was loved and that people were there for you.
If displaying them brings you comfort then do it. These are a few ways that work well and don’t look cluttered:
- A mantel or shelf arrangement. Stand the cards open along a mantelpiece, a bookshelf or a windowsill. Group them loosely rather than lining them up like soldiers and the effect feels warmer.
- A ribbon or twine display. String a length of ribbon or bakers twine along a wall or across a doorway and peg the cards to it with wooden clips. This keeps your surfaces free and clear and lets you see every card at once.
- A display board. A corkboard, a fabric memo board or a simple framed pinboard gives the cards a home in all one place. You can add a photo of your loved one in the center to make it all come together.
- Framing a favorite few. If one or two cards have special words then a frame turns them into something closer to art. A handwritten note from an old friend, framed and hung, is a lovely keepsake on the wall.
- A small memorial area. Some people get the cards with a candle, a photograph and a few objects that mean a lot to make a quiet corner of the home. If you’re drawn to that idea our examples of memorial plaque wording and in loving memory quotes can help you add a line.
A few days feels appropriate as a way of acknowledging the kindness of colleagues. Leaving them up for weeks in a shared office can weigh on everyone so doing for a short period is usually better in a workplace than at home.
How to Keep and Store Sympathy Cards Safely
If you’re not ready to do anything creative with the cards, and lots of people never are, just keeping them is fine to do an all. You want to make sure you store them in a way that protects them though.
A dedicated memory box is the classic choice. A shoebox works, though a keepsake box with a lid, a photo storage box or a small chest feels a little more fitting. Keep it somewhere you’ll see it now and then rather than shoved far at the back of a closet.
A few things help the cards last:
- Keep them out of light and damp. Sunlight makes ink and paper fade over time, and attics, basements and garages swing between damp and dry in ways that warp cards. A cupboard inside the house is better for them.
- Consider acid free storage. Regular cardboard and plastic can make paper turn yellow over the years. Acid free boxes, folders or archival sleeves are inexpensive and keep handwriting crisp for far longer. This is the same reasoning museums and archivists use to preserve paper and it works just as well on a kitchen table.
- Keep the envelopes if the postmark matters to you. Sometimes it’s the handwriting on the envelope or the return address of someone no longer with us that means a lot to us later on.
- Label the box. A small note inside with the date and whose cards these are will mean a great deal to whoever opens it years from now, including you.
If you find yourself wondering how long you’re really meant to hold on to them I’ve written about separately in how long should you keep sympathy cards for. The short version is: as long as they serve you and not any longer because of guilt.
Turn Sympathy Cards Into a Keepsake
This is where the cards can become something you’ll return to rather than a box you mean to open and never do. Making a keepsake takes a little time so save these ideas for when you feel up to it.
A Memory Book or Scrapbook
Pasting the cards into a scrapbook alongside photographs, the order of service and a few of your own reflections is something you can keep and look through and share with family. You can add the words people wrote in the margins, a favorite photo of your loved one and even a line or two about what that person meant to them.
If you’d like to write alongside the cards our guide on what to write in a condolence book has prompts that work just as well for a personal memory book.
A Shadow Box or Framed Collage
A shadow box is a frame that holds three dimensional keepsakes behind glass. Some of the cards arranged with a photo, a pressed flower from the funeral arrangements or a small memento makes a display piece you can hang on the wall. A framed collage does something similar in a flatter format and looks lovely on a landing or above a desk.
Ornaments and Small Keepsakes
For those who like the idea of the cards living on the paper itself can become something personal:
- Cut favorite lines or motifs into clear glass baubles to bring out at the holidays
- Fold or roll strips of card into paper beads for a simple bracelet or keyring
- Turn a treasured card into a bookmark, laminated so it lasts, to keep in a book you love
- Snip meaningful words into a small framed collage of phrases
The holidays can be a particularly tough time to see a familiar handwriting again, which is part of why card ornaments resonate with so many people.
A Garland or Banner
Punch the tops of the cards and thread them onto ribbon to make a garland or mount them along a length of felt to create a banner. It’s an easy project that keeps the cards together without committing to a permanent frame.
Digitize Your Sympathy Cards
If space is tight or the sight of the cards feels like too much but the words still matter digitizing is a good middle ground. You keep everything that was written and you free up your drawer.
The simplest way is to photograph each card with your phone, front and inside, in good natural light. If you want cleaner copies then a flatbed scanner or a free scanning app will do the job.
From there you can:
- Keep the images in a dedicated album on your phone or computer
- Order a printed photo book of the scans, which looks beautiful and is flat to store
- Share the album with family who couldn’t be there so they can read the words too
The one downside is that photos have a way of vanishing into a camera roll and never being looked at again. If you digitize take the extra ten minutes to put the images somewhere you can find them as well as naming them. Otherwise the clutter simply moves from a drawer to a phone.
What to Do With the Cards You Don’t Keep
Not every card needs to be kept. When you’re ready to part with any of them these are a few options.
Share Them With Family
Before anything else, ask whether anyone else in the family would treasure a particular card. A grandchild might love the card from a great aunt. A sibling might want the note from a childhood friend of your loved one. Passing cards on keeps them meaningful and spreads the comfort a little wider.
Recycle or Repurpose the Paper
Most cards are paper and can be recycled with your household paper, minus any foil, glitter or plastic bits. If you’d rather they became something new, gift tags and bookmarks cut from the prettier cards are a good way to use some of that paper.
Give in Their Memory Instead
Some people find that the most fitting way to honor the sentiment behind the cards is to give something onward. It might be a donation to a cause your loved one cared about or a small act of kindness in their name.
If a memorial gift feels right our guide on what to write when making a donation in memory of someone can help with the words.
Let Them Go Gently
If you simply want to get rid of the cards, you’re allowed to. Some people read each one a final time before recycling them.
Others keep a very small, private ritual, reading a favorite line aloud or writing a short note of thanks in a journal before letting the paper go. All of these ideas are fine. What matters is that you feel at peace with it.
About Letting Go
I had to remind myself that it was the words and thought that matter more than the cards themselves. Because for a while it felt as though throwing away a card was throwing away the person who sent it, or worse, the person I’d lost.
It isn’t. Keeping every card doesn’t make you more devoted and letting some go doesn’t make you less. The people who wrote them wanted to bring you a moment of comfort, not a lifelong storing that card. If you’ve taken what you needed from them then you’re free to move on, and if you want to keep every last one forever then that’s yours to do too.
If you’re struggling with the decision and it’s hard our longer thoughts on the timing of it all are in how long should you keep sympathy cards for and if you’re looking for other ways to honor the person you lost you might find comfort in our tribute messages and eulogy examples.
Whatever you choose don’t be hard in yourself over what is a small decision as you would be with a friend. A stack of cards is really proof that your loved one mattered.
