Writing Christmas cards the first year after someone in your family has died is something no one wants to do. The list in your address book still has their name next to yours and the usual cheerful message don’t sound right anymore.
Some people don’t even bother with cards that year and if that’s what you want to do don’t feel bad. But lots of people still want to send them.
It’s a way to keep in touch, maybe to thank the people who helped and sometimes to let a few old friends know what happened.
If you’re still deciding whether to send cards at all our guide to Christmas card etiquette after a death in the family covers that. This is all about the wording itself: short messages you can add to a card, what to put in a family Christmas letter after a spouse dies and how to sign your cards now.
If you’re looking for something to write to a friend who has lost someone this year try our Christmas sympathy messages instead.
Before You Start Writing
You don’t have to mention the death in every card. A lot of people write one simple line for most of their list and something longer for close friends and family who’ll want more.
It also helps to decide early if you’re going to say their name, how you’ll sign and whether anyone on your list hasn’t heard the news yet. Figuring that out make the rest much quicker.
And keep it short if that’s all you can manage. Everyone will be underneath and not expect a long message this year.
Short Messages to Add to Any Christmas Card
These work for most of your list be it a neighbor, a coworker or a cousin you see once a year. They acknowledge the loss gently without turning the card into a sympathy card.
- This Christmas feels different without _____, but we’re thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful season
- It’s been a hard year for our family. Thank you for being part of it. Wishing you a gentle Christmas
- We’re missing _____ so much this Christmas. Sending you our love and warm wishes
- With love this Christmas, and with _____ in our hearts
- Our first Christmas without _____ is a quiet one, but we wanted to send our love all the same
- Wishing you peace this Christmas. We’re holding _____’s memory close this year
- _____ always loved this time of year. We’re trying to enjoy it the way they would have wanted
- It’s been a year of big changes for us. We hope your Christmas is full of the people you love
- Merry Christmas from all of us, and from _____ in spirit
- Thinking of you this season and grateful for the friends who have carried us through this year
- Christmas won’t be the same this year, but we’re together and that matters. Love to you all
- Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and a kinder new year
Christmas Card Wording After the Death of a Spouse
This is often the hardest list to write. For years the cards went out from both of you and now they come from one.
Keep the wording as plain as you like. Close friends will understand a short line and you can always write more to the people who’ll want it.
- My first Christmas without _____ is a hard one. Thank you for your kindness this year. Sending my love
- _____ loved writing these cards every year. I’m carrying on the tradition for both of us
- I’m missing _____ terribly this Christmas, but your calls and visits have meant so much. Merry Christmas
- This is the first card I’ve ever signed on my own. _____ would want me to send our love, so here it is
- Christmas is quieter in our house this year. I hope yours is warm and full of the people you love
- Thank you for standing by me since _____ died. It’s made more difference than I can say
- _____ always said Christmas was about the people around you. I’ve been so lucky in the people around me this year
- I’m taking this Christmas slowly and one day at a time. Thinking of you and wishing you peace
- Our family looks a little different this year, but the love is the same. Merry Christmas from me and the kids
- With love this Christmas, and with _____ always beside me in my heart
Christmas Card Wording After Losing a Mom or Dad
When a parent dies the cards mainly go to people who knew them well like their old friends and neighbors or your aunts and uncles. A few words about what Christmas meant to them can mean a lot to those people.
- Mom always made Christmas for all of us. We’re trying our best to do the same this year
- Our first Christmas without Dad. We’ll be raising a glass to him on Christmas Day
- Mom kept your address in her Christmas book for over 30 years. I wanted to make sure this card still reached you
- We’re missing Dad’s laugh around the table this year. Wishing you a merry Christmas from all of us
- Thank you for being such a good friend to Mom. She’d want you to have a happy Christmas, and so do we
- Christmas feels different without Mom and Dad, but we’re keeping their traditions going
- Dad’s ornament is the first one on the tree this year. Sending love from our family to yours
- We’re holding Mom close this Christmas. Thank you for all your love and support this year
Christmas Card Wording After the Death of a Child
There’s no wording that makes this easier. And if you can’t send a card don’t force yourself to. If you do send them then some parents find it comforting to write their child’s name as people often stop saying it.
- We’re missing _____ more than ever this Christmas. Thank you for remembering them with us
- Christmas is very hard for us this year. Your love has helped us get through. Merry Christmas
- Our family will always be a family of _____. Wishing you peace this season
- _____ loved Christmas morning more than anyone. We’re holding those memories tight
- Thank you for saying _____’s name this year. It means the world to us
- With love from all of us, and from _____, always in our hearts
- This Christmas we’re taking things gently. We hope your season is full of peace
After Losing a Grandparent or Other Relative
For a grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin, a short line or two is usually enough. If they were the one who hosted Christmas saying so is a nice touch.
- This is our first Christmas without Grandma. We’re making her cookie recipe in her honor
- We’re missing Uncle _____ at the table this year. Merry Christmas from all of us
- Grandpa always made Christmas so special. We’ll be thinking of him on the day
- Christmas won’t be the same without Aunt _____, but we’re grateful for every year we had with her
- We lost Nana in the spring and we’re missing her this season. Sending love and warm wishes to you all
- Our family is a little smaller this Christmas but just as full of love. Merry Christmas
Telling Someone About the Death in a Christmas Card
Sometimes there’s a person on your list who hasn’t heard like an old friend overseas or a former neighbor you only hear from at Christmas. A card can be the way you let them know.
Put the news near the start of your message so it doesn’t come as a shock at the end. Keep it short and give them a way to get in touch if they want to.
- I’m sorry to have to share this in a Christmas card, but _____ died in _____. I wanted you to hear it from us
- I have some sad news. _____ passed away this year after a short illness. They always loved hearing from you at Christmas
- I wish I had happier news. Sadly, _____ died in the summer. I know how fond they were of you
- You may not have heard that we lost _____ this year. I’d love to talk if you’d like to call. My number is _____
- I’m writing this year’s card on my own because _____ died in _____. Thank you for so many years of friendship to us both
If you need help with fuller wording our death announcement examples may help.
Thank You Lines for Support This Year
Christmas cards are a natural way to thank the people who brought meals or checked in on you when you were struggling and suffering. A line of thanks doesn’t need to be long.
- Thank you for everything you did for us after _____ died. We’ll never forget your kindness
- Your card in the spring meant so much. Thank you for thinking of us. Merry Christmas
- We couldn’t have gotten through this year without friends like you. Wishing you a lovely Christmas
- Thank you for the meals, the visits and the phone calls. They kept us going
- You were there for us at the hardest time. Thank you, and Merry Christmas
- So many people helped us this year, and you were one of the first. Thank you from all of us
If you still have formal thank-you notes to send our thank you notes for condolences have more wording.
Religious Christmas Card Wording
If your faith is part of how you’re getting through this these messages are good for a religious card. For most of your list a neutral line from the sections above will work better.
- We’re celebrating Christ’s birth this year with _____ in our hearts and in God’s care
- Our first Christmas without _____. We take comfort knowing they’re celebrating with the Lord
- May the hope of Christmas bring you peace, as it has brought peace to us this year
- We’re missing _____ this Christmas, but we’re thankful for God’s love and for friends like you
- Wishing you a blessed Christmas. We’re keeping _____ in our prayers and holding their memory close
- The light of Christmas has carried us through a dark year. God bless you and yours
What to Write in a Family Christmas Letter After a Spouse Dies
If your family sends a yearly Christmas letter you might be wondering if you should write one this year. You can skip it, send a shorter version or write it as you always have with a paragraph about your husband or wife.
A few things tend to help:
- Mention the death early in the letter. Readers who don’t know will be confused if it comes halfway down after news about the garden.
- Say how they died only if you want to. “After a long illness” or “very suddenly” is enough.
- Include a memory or two. People like to read something about the person they knew.
- It’s fine to share ordinary news too. Life went on in other ways and friends want to hear about the grandkids.
- Be honest about how you’re doing but you don’t need to share more than you’re comfortable with.
Here are two examples you can use as inspiration or adapt.
Dear friends and family,
This is the hardest Christmas letter I’ve ever written. As many of you know, _____ died in _____ after a long illness. We were married for _____ years and I’m still getting used to a house that’s much too quiet.
I want to thank every one of you who sent a card, brought food or sat with me in those first weeks. I didn’t always reply, but I read every word.
There has been some happier news too. _____ started a new job in the fall and _____ is learning to walk, which _____ would have loved to see. We’ll all be together for Christmas Day and we’ll be making _____’s famous stuffing, even if it won’t taste quite the same.
I’m doing OK most days and not so OK on others. Please keep in touch. It means more than you know.
With love this Christmas,
________
******************
Dear all,
You may have already heard the sad news that _____ died suddenly in _____. If this is the first you’re hearing of it, I’m sorry to share it this way. It all happened so fast and I couldn’t reach everyone.
_____ loved Christmas. He was always the one up a ladder with the lights in November, and the kids have decided to put them up this year in his honor. I’m sure they’ll be a little crooked, and he’d find that very funny.
The kids and I are leaning on each other and on all of you. Thank you for the love you’ve shown us this year.
We hope your Christmas is full of peace and the people you love.
With love from _____, _____ and _____
________
How to Sign Christmas Cards After Someone Dies
This is the question that most people have trouble with. Do you still put their name on the card? There’s nothing that says you have to or don’t have to and families handle it in different ways.
For more general help with sign offs see our guide on how to sign a sympathy card.
Should You Include Their Name?
Most people sign only with the names of the living. If you’d like to include the person who died you can do it in a way that makes clear they’re being remembered, so nobody is confused.
Some families add a small heart or star beside the name or write “in loving memory of” before it. Both are fine.
- Love from Sarah, Tom and the kids, remembering Dad
- With love from Sarah and family, and in loving memory of Jim
- Love from all of us, with Mom forever in our hearts
- Merry Christmas from the _____ family, missing _____ this year
- Love, Linda, and always Jim
Signing as a Widow or Widower
Signing your name alone for the first time can hit harder than you’d expect. Some people sign just their first name. Others add a short line that mentions their spouse.
- With love, Mary
- Love, Mary, with John always in my heart
- Merry Christmas from Mary, and from John in spirit
- Love, Mary and the family
- Warm wishes, Mary. Missing John this Christmas
Signing for the Family
When a parent or child has died signing as a family keeps things simple. You can list everyone or just use your family name.
- Love from the _____ family
- With love, Dave, Jen, Emily and Josh
- Love from all of us, with _____ in our hearts
- Merry Christmas, from the _____ family, remembering _____
- With love this Christmas, the _____s
Tips for Writing Your Cards This Year
- Do a few at a time. Writing the entire list in one sitting can be a lot.
- Write one or two standard lines and reuse them. It saves you from having to find new words for every card.
- Ask someone to help. A grown child or close friend can address envelopes or write the cards while you sign them.
- Keep a short list of who still needs to hear the news, and write those cards first while you have the energy.
- Go through your address book before you start. It can be upsetting to come across their own contacts, or cards addressed to them, without warning.
- If you’re running late a New Year card is fine. Nobody will mind.
- Let yourself stop. Sending fewer cards this year is a reasonable choice.
If you’d like a quote to write inside or add to a letter our quotes for remembering loved ones at Christmas have plenty to choose from.
Whatever you write the people on your list will be glad to hear from you. Many of them will have been wondering how you’re doing and not known how to ask.
If this year’s cards go out late or with just one line and your name they’ll still be read with a lot of love.
