The days before a funeral are a blur. There’s so much to arrange and so many people to speak to that it can all happen on automatic. You barely even think about it.
Then the service happens, everyone goes home and you’re left with silence. Which can be the hardest part of all.
When my own family lost my grandmother I remember how strangely empty everything felt in the week after the funeral. The phone wasn’t ringing anymore and the busyness that had got us through was gone and there was nothing left to do.
If that’s what you’re feeling now and wondering what comes next then it’s something most people dealing with loss and funerals go through. There is a next and it comes in two parts – the practical side of things that need sorting and the how you heal emotionally, which takes much, much longer.
This guide will help you through both. Some of it you can do this week but some of it can wait for months.
One note before we start. I’m not a lawyer or a financial advisor so please treat the practical sections here as a starting point rather than official advice. Laws and processes vary depending on where you live and the circumstances so when something feels complicated or high stakes make sure you check with a professional who can look at your specific situation.
What to Do After the Funeral Is Over
If you just want the short version then this is an overview of what usually needs to happen once the funeral is behind you:
- Give yourself time to breathe before tackling anything major
- Order several certified copies of the death certificate
- Notify banks, government offices and other important organizations
- Deal with the will, the estate and any probate that applies
- Cancel subscriptions, memberships and accounts you no longer need
- Secure and slowly sort through their home and belongings
- Handle digital accounts and social media
- Send your thank you notes to those who supported you
- Choose how you’d like to remember and honor them
- Look after your own grief for the long road ahead
What will help is to take those one at a time, starting with the part almost every guide skips over.
Slow Down
Before we talk about certificates and paperwork it’s important to say that what you should prioritize after the funeral is nothing at all, at least for a little while.
The adrenaline that got you through the planning and the service will fade and when it does you may feel completely wiped out. You might feel sadness one hour and a strange numbness the next.
You might feel relief, especially if your loved one was ill for a long time, and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. But that’s all normal and what everyone goes through with grief.
You don’t have to have the estate sorted by a certain date. So in these early days it’s better to eat something, sleep when you can, drink water and let people help you.
If a friend offers to bring dinner or sit with you, say yes. Accepting help from people will help.
When you feel ready – and only then – move on to the practical list below.
The Practical Tasks After a Funeral
This is the administrative side of loss and theres a lot more paperwork than anyone expects. The good news is it’s all manageable if you take it slowly and keep everything in one place.
Get Organized and Keep a Notebook
Before you make any phone calls get a notebook or start a folder on your computer. Every time you speak to a bank, an office or a company, write down the date, who you spoke to and what was said.
You’d be surprised how many organizations you end up contacting and having a record saves you repeating yourself when someone inevitably says they have no note of your last call.
Put the main documents into one folder too – things like the death certificate, the will, insurance policies, bank statements, the deed to the house and any bills. Having them within easy reach makes everything that follows far less stressful.
Order Certified Copies of the Death Certificate
You will need the death certificate for almost everything – closing accounts, claiming life insurance, dealing with property. And you’ll need certified copies, not photocopies, because most organizations insist on the official version.
Order more than you think you’ll need. Many families are caught out ordering just one or two then having to request more and wait all over again. The funeral director can usually help you arrange these and it’s far easier to get several at once than to keep going back.
Notify the Important Organizations
Once you have the certificates you can start letting the necessary people know. This part is tedious but straightforward.The main ones to contact include:
- The Social Security Administration, so payments stop and you can ask about any survivor benefits you may be entitled to
- Banks and building societies where they held accounts
- Any pension providers or the Veterans Administration if that applies
- Life insurance companies, to start any claims
- Their employer, if they were still working
- Credit card companies and any lenders
- The mortgage holder or landlord
- Utility companies, phone and internet providers
Some funeral homes will notify Social Security on your behalf so it’s worth asking rather than assuming. Keep one of your certified copies handy as several of these will ask to see it.
Deal With the Will and the Estate
If your loved one left a will it should name an executor – the person responsible for carrying out their wishes and settling the estate. That might be you, or it might be someone else. If there’s no will the process is a little different and someone will usually need to be appointed to administer things.
Depending on the size and nature of the estate you may need to go through probate, which is the legal process of proving the will and distributing what’s left. This is the point where I’d say get some proper advice.
An attorney who handles estates or an accountant for anything tax related can save you a lot of worry and mistakes.
Make a simple inventory of assets and any outstanding bills as you go. Cancel unnecessary services, keep every receipt and statement and hold on to that paperwork for several years just in case it’s needed later.
Cancel Subscriptions, Accounts and Memberships
Think about all the regular things that quietly renew in the background:
- Streaming services and subscriptions
- Magazine or newspaper deliveries
- Gym or club memberships
- Loyalty programs and store accounts
- Charity direct debits or standing orders
There’s no rush on these but ticking them off over a few weeks stops payments leaving accounts and slowly clears the loose ends. It can be oddly emotional to cancel a subscription in someone’s name so be prepared for it to hit you and maybe become emotional.
Secure and Slowly Sort Their Home
If your loved one lived alone their home will need looking after. Make sure it’s secure, redirect the mail, keep an eye on any perishables and cancel deliveries so parcels aren’t left sitting outside.
As for sorting through belongings, please don’t feel you have to do this quickly. Many people rush to clear a house and later wish they’d kept more.
When you do feel ready it can help to have someone with you, both for the practical lifting and for the emotional weight of it.
Handle Digital Accounts and Social Media
We live so much of our lives online now that this has become a real part of the after. Your loved one may have had email accounts, social media profiles, online banking, photo storage and more.
Most major platforms have a process for this. Facebook, for example, lets you memorialize an account so it becomes a place for friends to share memories, or you can request its removal.
It’s worth deciding as a family what feels right because for some people a memorialized profile becomes somewhere they can go back to while others find it painful.
Saying Thank You
Somewhere in those first few weeks your thoughts will probably turn to everyone who showed up for you. The people who sent cards and flowers, brought food, gave donations or sat with you when words failed.
Sending thank you notes is a lovely way to acknowledge that kindness and it doesn’t need to be a big production.
There’s no deadline so don’t add it to the pile of things you feel you’re behind on. A short, heartfelt note weeks later is always welcome. If you’re not sure where to begin, we have some wording to help:
- Start with the general guide to funeral thank you notes and wording examples
- For anyone who gave money or made a donation see thank you notes for money
- To thank people for flowers there’s thank you for funeral flowers
- For all the meals that arrived at your door try thank you notes for funeral food
- And if a nurse or carer supported your loved one here’s how to thank a caregiver after a death
Handwritten is always nicer than printed. But even a simple line is enough. People understand completely and the fact you thought of them at all will mean a great deal.
Ways to Remember and Honor Them
Once the immediate tasks settle many people find comfort in creating something lasting – a way to keep their loved one present in the world. This isn’t something to rush either.
Some families do it within weeks others wait a year or more until they feel ready.
These are a few ideas that may resonate with you:
Choose a Lasting Memorial
A headstone, plaque or memorial marker gives you a place to visit. Deciding what to write can feel like a lot of pressure, so it helps to see examples.
Have a look at memorial plaque wording examples, epitaph examples and quotes for headstone epitaphs to find what feels true to them.
If You’re Scattering Ashes
For families who chose cremation scattering the ashes can be a meaningful goodbye in its own right, often held somewhere the person loved. If you’d like a few words to say on the day this guide on what to say when scattering ashes offers some readings and thoughts.
Mark the Milestones
The first year brings a a lot of hard dates – their birthday, the anniversary of their passing and the first holidays without them. Thinking about these ahead of time can make them a little easier.
You might light a candle, share a memory or simply give yourself permission to feel however you feel. For those days you may find comfort in death anniversary quotes, happy birthday in heaven messages and words for the first holiday without a loved one.
Looking After Your Grief
All of the tasks above have an end point. You’ll tick them off one by one until the paperwork is done and the accounts are closed.
Grief isn’t like that. It doesn’t get crossed off a list. It changes and gets easier over time but it stays with you in some form and that’s not something to be fixed – it’s simply the shape love takes when someone is gone.
In the weeks and months after the funeral the world moves on faster than you’re ready for. People stop asking how you are. Life gets loud again while you’re still in the quiet.
This is often when grief hits hardest, precisely because everyone assumes you should be “back to normal” by now. You won’t be and you shouldn’t pretend otherwise.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. Some days you’ll feel almost okay and others will knock you flat for no obvious reason. Let both happen.
Talk about your loved one, say their name, look at the photos. Grief is not a problem to solve but a love to carry.
If you’re finding it all too much then please reach out for support. These are a few resources that might help:
- Our guide on how to support someone who’s grieving which is just as useful for understanding your own grief
- Advice straight from the professionals in our roundup of expert grief support
- Comforting words to sit with in these grief quotes and poems about grief
- And if you’ve lost a spouse some encouragement in these inspirational quotes for widows
If your grief feels overwhelming or you’re struggling to cope day to day there’s no shame in speaking to your doctor or a grief counselor. Sometimes we need more than a friend can offer.
Be Patient With Yourself
The funeral being over doesn’t mean the hard part is behind you. In many ways it’s just beginning, both the practical loose ends and the long work of learning to live with the loss.
Take the practical steps one at a time as you feel able. Lean on the people around you.
And remember that missing someone this much is only a reflection of how deeply you loved them. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a dear friend going through the same thing.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long after a funeral should you send thank you notes?
There’s no strict rule, but many people aim to send them within two to three weeks. That said, sending them later is completely fine. A heartfelt note weeks or even a couple of months on is always appreciated, and nobody expects you to rush while you’re grieving.
How many death certificates should I order?
It’s wise to order more than you think you’ll need, often somewhere between five and ten certified copies. Banks, insurers and government offices usually require an official copy, and requesting extras at once saves you waiting on repeat orders later.
What should you do first after a funeral?
Before anything practical, give yourself a little time to rest. When you’re ready, a good first step is to get organized – keep a notebook of who you contact, and order certified copies of the death certificate, since you’ll need them for almost every other task.
How long does it take to settle an estate?
It varies enormously depending on the size of the estate and whether probate is required, but it commonly takes several months to a year or more. If the estate is complex, an attorney or accountant can help you understand the timeline for your specific situation.
